I’m HONGRY, Mama…

When my brother, Jimmy, and I were little we’d devil our mom by mewling, plaintively, “I’m HONGRY!” and she’d flap her dish towel at us and chase us out of the kitchen.

She new we were making fun of her, in a loving way, of her accent and her family.  After all, Jimmy and I were born in the big city of TOLEDO, and she was from Reedy, WV (which, at that point, barely existed any more…)

What Can I Eat?
Having cancer, for me, means that I’m FRIGGIN’ STARVING almost all the time, but very few things sound good, and fewer things taste edible.  Once I light on something that I can actually EAT, I spend days hoping that my tastes won’t change again.  What I love on Monday can sometimes taste like doggy-do on Tuesday, and there’s no rhyme or reason to it.  It’s not about spice, or temperature of food, or sugar content, or really anything.

One constant has been tea.  I love a good cup of tea, and for better or for worse THAT is a delicious thing to cling to.  I’m also good with bananas and peanut butter is generally a positive.  There were a few days when the smell of it made me nauseas, but since then I’ve returned to the land of Smucker’s peanut butter, and in small amounts it’s good food.

One would think that friend foods are a no-no, but for whatever reason the fish sandwich from Culvers is exactly what I crave most days.  Fish & Chips in general (hold the chips) are tops on my list every day.  At least, this week.

Standing up long enough to actually MAKE that cup of tea, or butter that toast, or peel that banana is another story.  My back hurts SO badly, I think the pain is from the original tumor (in my T9 and T10 vertebrae) and also from the cancer metastasizing into other parts of my spine and hips.  Finding a comfortable position to sleep, or sit, or stand — it’s hard.  I am SO fortunate to have a nice recliner that seems to suit me very well.

I bought it (ostensibly) for Gerry for Father’s Day several years ago, but it never seemed to suit him.  Funny how many things I’ve bought for Gerry have become mine by default!

Picking My Battles
I had to give up a project today because I realized that with the deadline looming, and with two more chemo sessions lined up, there was NO WAY that I would be able to complete this project.  The weight of expectations was so heavy, and now that I’ve given up I feel a bit of guilt, but even more relief.  My brain needs to be sending as many positive thoughts to my body for healing, not fretting over getting a sweater knit — something that dozens of other folks could do just as well, if not better than I!

Back To Mom
Days like today, though, I swear I could go for some of my mom’s classic Soup Beans & Corn Bread, or her Fried Chicken.  Even some of her baked beans.

We ate like poor hillbillies, but damn that was some tasty food!

I miss my mom for so many reasons, but friend chicken is one of the big ones.

8 thoughts on “I’m HONGRY, Mama…

  1. Out of all the things, I’m going to focus on the fried chicken. I’ve been reading my grandmother’s journals from about 100 years ago, and she made mention of having the “first” fried chicken and how good it was. Which implies that fried chicken was a seasonal dish. I have never ever heard that. So interesting to me how our food ways have changed!

    Hope you find and enjoy some chicken!

  2. So I checked how far Reedy is from my home town of Paden City. Not so far, it seems. Dear old PC has flallen into disrepair too. WV is a state that is hard for people who are not from there to love.

    Thinking of you, dear friend and always wishing you well. I loved my mom’s soup beans and cornbread too. Who knew we had them because we were poor? Funny. I never felt poor.


  3. Hi Annie – glad you’re “talking” again. My previous reference to healing yarn fumes were for you to play with, not for anyone to send knitted items to you. I was thinking that it might feel good to just have some of your own beautiful yarn on some needles in your hands with nothing but time ahead of you & NO DEADLINES!! Just some fun knitting (how long has it been since you could knit just for YOU?) No pressure – just let your wonderful knitters mind lead you & the yarn forward. Still thinking of you every day, in every positive way.

  4. I am sorry the pain’s still there. Glad you’re hungry, though. Hope that means your body is rallying for the healing. Needs fuel to build new, healthy cells.
    The yarns and the sweaters will be there after you get through the next little while.
    sending love and comfort wishes, dear one.

  5. It’s pleasantly surprising to hear that your mother is from Reedy. My dad’s family is from Wallback, WV. The two are not far from one another….it is a small world.
    I have been following you for a while now – it began because of knitting. I’ve continued following your journey through this difficult time. Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers daily.

  6. Annie, I’ve read your blog and admired your work, and your fortitude, for so many years that I feel I know you although we’ve never met. When you stopped blogging, I stopped checking your blog. But then, a couple of days ago, I looked again, just randomly, and was shocked to learn about your cancer. I hope you will let us know if there are ways we can help. (By “us,” I mean the strangers who think of you as a friend.) I went through chemo 20 years ago — it was a way wimpier regime than yours, but it was bad enough. For me music and recorded books helped. I usually half-dozed through them but at least my dreams were better.

  7. I can make corn bread and beans. Just have Andi let me know when you are ready for them.

    I’d even try to make “friend chicken” (I am so loving the typo that slipped into that last line, I like to think of fried chicken as a friend) though with less confidence. Just say the word.

    (The word is “duck soup”, which I can also make if that would hit the spot.)

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