My Favorite Story

Gather ’round, kiddies, it’s time for Granny (me) to relate the famous story of How I Met Your Granddad.

I’m writing this as if future me is telling
yet unmet grandkids our story,
because that’s the dearest wish of my heart;
that I will someday be able to meet a grandchild,
and hug them,
and teach them cool stuff.

There was a popular 1980’s movie starring Mark Linn-Baker and Peter O’Toole called, My Favorite Year  It’s a lovely, warm film about a young, father-less, TV writer’s first real job in the industry, his adventures with a movie star who he has long idealized as the ‘perfect dad’ and the way he deals with the disillusionment of learning your heroes have feet of clay.

Go — watch it — I’ll wait.

I love that movie. It came out the year I graduated from college, I thought I wanted to work in TV, and I love Peter O’Toole.

Fast forward 10 years, it was 1992 and I had just been awarded my MFA in set and costume design AND had been initiated into Local 629 United Scenic Artists Union (USA)

Mom, I MADE IT!

After spending the summer designing costumes for a huge outdoor theater fest in central NJ, I’d snagged my first real job on Broadway as a costume assistant on a musical based on My Favorite Year, to be staged at Lincoln Center.

The size of the house determines whether a play is on or off Broadway, but my memory was that this was designated a “Broadway” production.  I may be mis-remembering.

Working with designer Patricia Zipprodt, who I’d long admired, was heady stuff. Even more heady was being assigned to be the “shoe buyer” for the whole production

There were some triumphs (finding shoes to fit tiny male dancers’s feet, shoes which were perfectly in period and beautiful!  Thank you, Nordstroms!)

Mr Curry On Stage, Comfy In His Well Broken-In Shoes

And some debacles (getting shoes re-heeled in the wrong size so the dancers kept getting stuck in the ‘tracks’ along the set – dang!) 

But anything I did wrong was fixable, and I did a LOT wrong.  But I did some stuff right.  And I learned SO much. And it was my first BROADWAY SHOW.  And I was happier than I’d ever been in my life.  It was a reason for celebration, and my mom and her good friend Ruth Clark flew out to witness my triumph as 4th person mentioned in the program under Costume Assistant.  Could life get any better?

When one works in costuming, the day the show opens your job is essentially over and wardrobe (a different union) takes over.  So upon opening of My Favorite Year I finally had my weekends to myself and began pondering what would be next in my brilliant career as Broadway Shoe Buyer.

THIS is how one pays for that $20,000 degree in folding
I’d just acquired at Rutgers, one shoe at a time.

In a side note, the star of the musical, Tim Curry, happened to wear the same size shoe as myself (European 42)  He had MANY pair of shoes, and I was responsible for breaking them in, which was fun and pretty damned cool.  Yes, I have walked in Tim Curry’s shoes, and I can say that he was a delight to work with!  And thank GOD none of the shoes were stilletto 6″ heels.

Hirschfield sketch from the NY Times. Heady stuff.

Also in the cast were my personal heroes Andrea Martin and Lanie Kazan.  Could a young wanna-be designer get ANY luckier than to be able to work with such a kind, funny and exceptional cast?

The show opened in Fall 1992, and not long after I found myself at home, in my teeny-tiny Brooklyn apartment, listening to NPR on a Saturday morning and calling in to try to become a contestant on the Wisconsin Public Radio game show, Whad’Ya Know? which was broadcast live from Madison, WI.

I actually got on the air, and I answered the qualifying question (“Which couple was the first to SHARE a presidential bedroom, not have separate rooms for President and First Lady?”) by, basically, begging the host, Michael Feldman, for the answer.  (The Fords)

Home Sweet Tenement, 106 President Street, Apt 2R, Brooklyn. Or, as my father in law called it, “The Love Grotto”

I was paired with a fellow from the studio audience named Tom, and together we proceeded to win the BIG KIELBASA of prizes.  I’m afraid that I talked pretty much non-stop, which I do when I’m nervous (and when I’m not)  I’m a talker.

Poor Tom didn’t stand a chance.  I think he was able to say maybe 2-3 words.

I talked about me, my hair color, my purse, being from the midwest.  I talked about Kilroy (as in Kilroy Was Here) and driving and making two different types of stage blood (edible and washable)

I did NOT shut up.

And we won!  I don’t remember if we shared the same prizes, but my own prize pack was a book on tape, a cat toy, a 36″ inflatable figure from the Edvard Munch paining, “The Scream” and a tiny chocolate cow.  All of them VERY Wisconsin Public Radio type of gifts.

And then I promptly went on my way, dining out on my very exciting
story of When-I-Won-A-Cat-Toy-On-NPR, which tells you a bit
about my friends at the time, and didn’t think much more about it.

UNTIL a few weeks later when, leaving my Brooklyn apartment for a long 3-bus trip to NJ to visit my dentist (I’d moved from NJ to Bklyn in late Summer, and still had some filling work at the U of NJ Dental School to get cleared up.) I discovered an odd letter in my mailbox.

My dentist was Vinny, a southern NJ cutie who was just about the most handsome dentist I’ve ever met.  I loved Vinny, we had a great rapport and he did a lovely job on my teeth. There is NOTHING like a handsome dentist to get a girl to floss.

So stopping by my mailbox to pick up reading material for the bus rides, I was confused to find an envelope with a Queens, NY return address, but a postmark from Madison, WI.

The letter was — Odd. This was happening during and after the 1992 presidential campaign, and the letter opened with a quote by Admiral Stockdale, Ross Perot’s running mate, which (being a bit of a politco) I found amusing.

“Who am I?  Why am I here?”

Then the letter went on to explain that the writer was in fact living in Queens with his brother after recently relocating from Vermont, but had heard me on the radio and thought that he would like to meet me.  He stressed that he had NO IDEA where I lived, that Ruth Ann Bessman, the producer of Whad’ya Know, had agreed to forward his letter on to me.

So there we were.  Would I like to get together and meet?  He understood if I already were seeing someone, but he thought I sounded “nice” and “funny”

I had NO idea what to do.  I showed Vinny the letter and he thought I should just walk away.  I showed a group of undergraduates from The Stern Yeshiva For Women (the cast of a production of the Dybbuk I was designing) and they all thought it was VERY romantic!

I showed my married friends, and my single friends, who pretty much lined up with married friends warning me off, single friends saying, “Go for it!”

I compromised by sending a Christmas Card.  And I waited.  And apparently the card got lost under a stack of mail at Gerry’s brother’s apartment.  When he finally found it, it was late December.

So Gerry called, we met at the famous Peacock Cafe in Greenwich Village just to have a cup of coffee and scope each other out.  The date was Dec 23, 1992, and on the way I ran into a friend and cast member from My Favorite Year on the subway and told them all about my upcoming adventure.  They told me they had a really good feeling about the meeting.  They were right.

All I knew about Gerry was he was 5’9″ and had a beard.  At that time I was about 6′ and was at my thinnest (I think for about 36 minutes in 1992 I was a size 12, this was that period) so I figured my height wouldn’t be a deal breaker.

This is how tall women used to think about dating smaller men;
if our body mass is relatively equal, it will be okay.

I, being a Virgo Methodist from Ohio, showed up early. I swear that EVERY man in the greater NY area who was 5’9″ with a beard was at the Peacock Cafe.  It was a veritable CONVENTION of them. I should note here that Gerry INSISTS that he NEVER told me he was 5’9″  But I swear he did. And I also swear he WAS 5’9″  So there.

With my recent compression fracture in my spine, I’m currently 5’9-1/2″,
so I understand how important that half inch is.

After asking, and dispatching, a number of bearded fellows, I looked up at the front of the restaurant and saw the sweetest guy looking SO nervous in an ill-fitting jacket. My immediate thought, “I can work with that, I can make him look better…” 

I walked up and asked him, “Are you Gerry?”
Gerry: Yes.  Annie?
Annie: Yes.  I have a table in the back, it’s a bit nicer, let’s move there.

And that brief conversation set the tone for our entire relationship.  We can always do better, and let’s move to my table.  Odd, how those things resound through the years.

I don’t remember Gerry eating anything, but I had a bowl of Minnestrone soup and it was delicious.  Then we went for a walk around the village, and ended up at the Prince Street Cafe.  It seemed like a nice date, but nothing earth shaking.  And then we noticed that all of the chairs were upside on the tables and the wait staff was eager for us to leave. We’d closed the place down, and I felt as though I’d been talking to one of my best friends for 3 hours.

Gerry walked me to my subway stop, a brief little peck on the cheek kiss, and we agreed to get together again.

Of course, that proved to be more difficult than we’d expected.  Crossed wires left me with NO DATE on New Years’ Eve (for whatever reason, after asking me if I were free on NYE, Gerry felt that he was supposed to WAIT until I called him. I assumed he would call me, since he brought up a party he wanted to take me to…  Poor, shy, Gerry.)

We did have a few dates in January, then I asked him over to dinner on Feb 13 so we wouldn’t have Valentine’s Day pressure.  I made him my mom’s fried chicken with some veg and some starch.  Nothing spectacular.  But he fell in LOVE with it, and it’s become his favorite meal to make for me.  Gerry does most of the cooking in our household these days, he’s exceptional at it, and whenever he makes this for me it’s as if my mom is cooking dinner, and it’s lovely.

The Feb 13 date was when I realized that I loved this guy.

Not long after that I headed to North Carolina to work on a Japan-bound Arena Stage Production called LUCAS LIVE!!, featuring scenes from several block buster George Lucas films. My job was to make the Wookie costume and mask.  It was spectacular.

While away, I asked Gerry to cat-sit as I had found a stray a few months earlier, and evidently she got knocked up, and kittens were on their way.  I didn’t want to leave her alone.

One day upon returning to my hotel in Carolina, I had a message at the front desk, “It’s a girl, it’s a boy, it’s a girl, it’s a boy, it’s a girl!!” and the clerk said, “I REALLY hope we’re talking about some kind of animal…”

By the time I returned home, Gerry’d settled in, and he never moved out.  My neighbor across the hall, wonderful Rose Verde, had lived in a 600 sq ft apartment (the match of mine) and had raised 3 kids there.  She kept an eye on me, watched out for me, and was VERY concerned that Gerry and I were living together.  I promised her we’d be getting married, and then it occurred to me I should pass that by Gerry.

He agreed.

So much for romantic proposals.  It doesn’t matter in the least, because when you know, you KNOW.

We called my mom on Mother’s Day to share the joy with her.  My mom, a lovely and kind person, was also a child of her environment.  She was born in 1919 in West Virginia, her father had been in the Klan (although “only for a week, until he figured out what it was!” my mom always insisted) and, although she and dad had several Jewish friends through his business, she was a product of a different generation.

I knew we’d have to handle the matter delicately.

Me: Mom – I’m calling to tell you that I’m in love!
Mable: Oh, honey, I’m SO happy for you!
Me: There are three things you need to know about Gerry, though…
Mable: Ok…
Me: Number one – we’re living together right now.
[pause]

Mable: Well, you KNOW I don’t like that!
Me: Which is why I’m calling to tell you we’re getting married in August!
Mable: Well, that’s a relief!
[pause]
Me: The second thing is — he’s Jewish.
[pause]

Mable: Well, you wouldn’t be the first…

Please note how absolutely enlightened this is coming from someone like my mom.  I like to think Mom was just thrilled that he daughter wasn’t a lesbian.

Me: The third thing is — Gerry’s shorter than I am.  By about 4 inches.
[pause]
[pause]

Mable: Oh, honey.  Oh, HONEY.  Are you SURE you love him?

So the biggest problem my mother had was with Gerry’s height.

Eventually Gerry became so deeply entrenched in my mom’s
(and Aunt Wanda’s and Cousin Jan’s) hearts that they told me if we ever divorced,
THEY would get custody of Gerry.  Thanks, family…

And THAT was how Gerry and I met.

One of the plot points of My Favorite Year was that it was the year the protagonist began his career AND found love.  And the same thing happened for me.  Which is why 1992/93 will always be my OWN favorite year!

This Monday will mark 25 years since Gerry and I were married in Judges chambers in Brooklyn.  The next day we had a more spiritual ceremony with no minister, but led by my best friend and his brother.  A lovely day.

We remain two of the luckiest people in the world.  At this point we’re sharing cancer (he diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma, a bone marrow cancer, in 2006 – myself with Lymphoma, a blood cancer, diagnosed this July) but I wouldn’t trade anything for our 25 years together, and our amazing family of gingers.

Max and Andy at Uncle Joel’s & Aunt Takako’s Wedding

I love you, Gerry.  You make me the happiest woman in the world every day!

A Uniform

Uniforms are something I don’t have a lot of experience with.

Just a bit of hand sewing to go!

I never wore one in school, even in gym class we were able to wear whatever we wanted (that had changed a few years earlier, much to everyone’s great joy!) and my few forays into the fast food industry in my teen years were about as close as I got to life in a uniform.

But now I want one.  I want a Chemo Uniform.

I want something that’s easy to put on, take off, wash and just NOT THINK ABOUT.

Perfection would be a pretty linen dress that’s a big apron with lots of pockets. So I made it.  I may make another (in a different fabric) because this is going to be going on for more than a few months, and I just don’t want to have to spend time deciding what to wear each day.

So after pondering many images on pinterest, considering the important elements that matter to me, I pulled out some Laura Ashley fabric that I’d had squirreled away for almost 20 years and got to work in the wee hours.

Sleep comes around 9 or 10pm, and I enjoy it.  Then around 2 or 3 I wake, around 4 I get incredibly uncomfortable in my bed (laying can make my back ache, especially now that there are MORE tumors that have appeared in my hips and tailbone) so I get up and sit, read, knit, just change my position.

This morning my position was at the dining room table, sewing away on a machine I purchased last year at Stitches Midwest, and I finished my little dress in just a few hours.  All that time working in costume shops pays off when I want to whip up a new dress idea!

I’m gravitating to blue, which is my favorite color. I have SO MUCH BLUE in my box of fabrics, and I have ideas for more dresses and for a few pair of pallazzo pants which are easy to wear and easier to sew up.  I have a pair that I made in an exquisite rayon fabric back in 1990 that look pretty much as they did the day I sewed them.

Quality fabric is NEVER a mistake, buy the best fabric you can afford and you’ll have a piece you can wear for years!  If cancer’s given me anything so far, it’s time to stop and contemplate things I’d like to do, and realize that if I don’t do them now, I may not get another chance to.

A very dear friend, Jolanta, who some of you may know as the “bead and jewelry woman” from Stitches Midwest, sent me a care package yesterday with beautiful wafers, some chocolate AND a gorgeous Lapis Lazuli necklace.  Blue, and calm, and lovely.  Perfect for chemo therapy.

Fear Returns
The fear of cancer is always here, but the fear of BONE PAIN haunts me like my insane fear of flying, stinging insects.  I just received a note from MyChart (HealthEast’s portal) that I’ll be getting another lumbar puncture on Tuesday morning. This is a surprise, and I’m sure we’ll be spending a good deal of the day on Monday explaining that I WILL NOT HAVE THE PROCEDURE if they don’t include some anesthetic.

The place where I’ve been scheduled to get it is exactly where Gerry went for his first, with NO anesthetic, and it was absolutely horrible.  The two procedures I had along these lines this past week were both under anesthetic, and even then THEY hurt like hell for a few days after.

I keep running into folks who say, “Oh, I didn’t even FEEL it!” and I wonder at their strength. I know I’m a baby about a lot of things, this is one of them.

Another Class
On a MUCH brighter note, I signed up for another class at the MN Textile Center.

We are SO fortunate here in Minneapolis/St. Paul to have a wealth of museums, fibre and fabric resources and an AMAZING textile center.  The class I took in rug hooking in the Spring was SO exciting for me, so enjoyable.  It’s funny, I felt myself becoming weaker, more tired, with so much pain as the class went on, but I LOVED the class so much.

Now I’ll be taking a class called, “Wearable Art” and I’m really looking forward to utilizing some of the lovely fabrics I’ve been collecting over the past 30 years. Andy will be accompanying me to class as I’m not allowed to drive (too many drugs in my system.)

I’m looking forward to being in the class with Andy, who is beginning to find a love of stitching and fibery things.  Perhaps that’s something else that cancer will give me, a chance to connect with my kid on a whole new level!

I’ve never been shy about explaining how Gerry’s cancer, as scary and terrible as it was/is, was in many ways a gift to our family.  We don’t hesitate to tell each other we love each other, we know that time is never on our side.

So this morning I contemplate a nice amount of hand-sewing to finish my dress, and I ponder how lucky I am in the midsts of such a scary shit-storm of malignancy.  Please don’t think I’m a Pollyanna, I’m having a rough time dealing with many aspects of this journey I’m on, but I KNOW how ungrateful I’d be to NOT recognize how fortunate I am, too!

Fundraiser
We still haven’t heard whether I’m approved for SSDI, but I’m crossing my fingers.  Until then, life is a bit scary because so much of my projected income this year was going to be from classes I was going to teach at various fiber shows.  Add to that the medical expenses (it feels as though every week I’m dropping another $150 or $200 for copays and not-entirely-covered procedures.

If I DO quality for SSDI, the kicker is that it will be at a pretty low rate since I’ve been self employed while caregiving for Gerry for the past 12 years.  In our Social Security System, women who care for family members NEVER get a break, and it stinks.

Compared to what this adventure MIGHT be without insurance, we are lucky.  But it’s terrifying to see the bank balance go in one direction when I’ve been so used to seeing it rise and fall (like everyone else does, I’m sure!)

When I mentioned that I wanted to do a knit along, I hadn’t really thought it through – especially not as a fundraiser!  But the amazing folks at Mason Dixon Knitting (Hi Kay!! Hi Ann!) picked up on this and put it out there as a quick and easy fundraiser!

That was absolutely brilliant, and so many folks have responded by purchasing the Split Cable Wimple Pattern (currently $4.00 until I start my Chemo)  Thank you to EVERYONE, I can only say how humbled and grateful I am to each of you, and to the exceptionally kind folks who have also donated to my Paypal Fundraiser.  I feel crass even talking about it, but YOU are helping me pay my co-pays.  YOU are helping us put gas in the car for doctor visits.  THANK YOU.

I’ve Been Heard

Yesterday Gerry, Andy and I went to “Chemo Class” and learned about things to watch out for during my chemo (which starts on Monday, Aug 20 – our 25th Wedding Anniversary…) and get details on the average Chemo day, tips on dealing with the nausea, etc.

It was a good and helpful 40 minutes given by a pharmacy student and a nurse, very well done.  Thanks, HealthEast!

THEN my nudging and — yes, complaining — reaped the benefit of a meeting with two of the head honchos from the St. John’s Cancer Care Center AND my navigator (who is worth her weight in gold!)

We discussed the issues that had been bothering me, and to their credit they didn’t just pass along, “Oh, yes, we will DEFINITELY FIX THAT!” happy talk, but we had a REAL discussion about how the dynamics of the center are changing since the merger with Fairview, the drawbacks of staff shortages (and why it’s hard to just go off into a private room with a scheduler to comfortably set up my appointments.)

The discussion was good, honest, and I’m hopeful that if immediate results aren’t forthcoming, it won’t be for lack of notice or trying.  All I really ask is that they begin to SEE what could make the experience better for the patient, and seeing, begin to act.

So I WILL be getting my Chemo next week at St. John’s.  Then I have 2 weeks “off” during which time my doctor seems to think there’s a very good chance that I’ll need transfusions (the chemo I’ll be on is going to be pretty hard-core, Gerry found an article about it where it’s called, “R-CHOP” and it looks – daunting.

Gerry’s hematologist at Mayo, Dr. Sue, has become a personal friend of ours over the past 12 years.  We LOVE seeing her, we share a lot of sensibilities of East Coast Jew-adjacent folks and we laugh like nuts when we’re together.

Last November when I was absolutely knackered Sue picked up on it, and was a bit concerned when twice in a row I was permitted to give blood (my habit had been to give blood every 3rd month while Gerry was getting his own samples drawn) because  of low hemoglobin levels.  Instinctively, Sue knew something was up.

Sue has ALSO had her run in with Lymphoma.  The fact that our cancers intertwine between each other now seems bizarrely natural and familiar.

So Dr. Sue very much wants me to get a Mayo 2nd opinion, especially now that Stem Cell Transplant has been mentioned as a therapy to prevent return of the disease WHEN we are able to stop this nastiness in its tracks.

So during my two weeks off we’ll try to get me into Mayo for more testing.  We’re still looking into what this means in terms of insurance, and places where I might stay while in Rochester.  Financially we’re in a VERY different position than we were 12 years ago. At that point Gerry’s insurance, through his amazing union (IATSE Local #1) covered so much of our auxiliary costs (hotel room, food, etc.)

We’re NOT in that position this time, and 12 years of Gerry being disabled and me earning never quite as much as I’d hoped each year has put us on the back foot.  So we’re looking into Hope Lodge and other places/schemes whereby I could stay in Rochester for my one week on with Chemo, then back to St. Paul for my 2 weeks off.

And THAT is scary, too.  What if, while I’m home in St. Paul, I get complications.  This is all too big right now to take on in one swallow, I need to cut it into bites and digest it, which I will.

Gerry, who is the best human being I could ever be married to, has been thrown for a loop by this.  He is so helpful, so wonderful, but I also find that he’s oddly paralyzed by the idea that I have a disease that will be rocking his world and perhaps shattering it, too.

So I look to him for help that he is having a hard time giving.  And I have to realize this; Gerry is NOT Superman, even though he’d like to be.  Andy is wonderful, but learning the ropes.  The navigator at Health East is almost magical in her ability to understand and help, would I be able to find a social worker in Rochester who could fill this role?

All this is part of breaking down the problem to make it manageable.  Who knows, maybe Mayo will say there’s nothing they could do that HealthEast isn’t.  Maybe they won’t want to take me on.  Maybe my insurance makes this whole thing moot.

Stay tuned.  I hate having this cancer, I hate it like poison.

But I do love a challenge.

Split Cable Wimple Knit Along – Cables

ModeKnit Yarn Cables

A cable is, essentially, a group of stitches that is divided into two smaller group.  Either the first group crosses in front of the 2nd group to create a Cable Left (aka Cable Front) or the first group crosses behind the 2nd group to create a Cable Right (aka Cable Back)

CABLE 4 LEFT
The first technique symbol on the key to the left is the Cable 4 left.  This is a cable made up of FOUR stitches.

Our cable is worked thus:

  • Slip the first 2 sts
    (either slip them onto a cable needle, or onto the right hand needle if you’re doing the cable-without-a-cable-needle technique),
  • Knit the next 2 sts,
  • Return to the slipped sts and cross them IN FRONT of the sts you just knit
  • Knit the two front crossed sts.

Cabling Without A Cable Needle Video

I know this sounds complicated, so here’s a brief video I made a few years ago explaining my favorite method for Cabling with a Cable Needle.  If you love to use a cable needle, please do so!  I don’t want to change how anyone enjoys their knitting, I just want to add some extra bits that some of you may find helpful!

Split Cable Wimple Knit Along – Lace Elements

I’ll be posting about my OWN knitting of my Split Cable Wimple, and here’s where you’ll come for tips and tricks and to ask questions in the comments.  If I can’t answer your question(s) right away, I’m positive someone will jump in and give it a good try!

First, and foremost, let’s discuss the symbols that are used in the pattern.  You don’t HAVE to use the chart, the pattern is written out for you, but when discussing the different techniques I’ll be referring to the stitch symbol to as well as the stitch technique name.

Sl st — Slip Stitch
In order to highlight a particular stitch, to draw attention to a vertical line in a pattern, often a stitch is “slipped,” or passed from the Left needle to the Right needle without forming a stitch.  This forces the Slipped Stitch to elongate itself and become twice as tall as the stitches around it, which can create a lovely stitch pattern.

We’ll work our Slip Stitches thus:

  • Work to the point where the Slip Stitch will happen.
  • Insert the needle into the next stitch purl-wise (as if you were going to purl the stitch) keeping the yarn to the wrong side of the work.
  • Slip the stitch from the Left Needle to the Right Needle.

The slipped stitch will echo the look of a Vertical Double Decrease (see below) and is often used in lace knitting to emphasize a stitch pattern without actually decreasing any stitches.

YO — Yarn Over
Sometimes called a “Yarn Forward” in the UK and Canada, a Yarn Over is the US name for a technique whereby we create an eyelet, or “hole” in the work.

In lace knitting, the eyelet is the most recognizable element, it’s what makes lace look like lace!

To form a Yarn Over, you’ll wrap the yarn around your working needle (usually the Right needle) in the same direction as you would wrap the yarn while making a knit stitch.

We’ll work our Yarn Overs thus:

  • Work to the point where the YO happens
  • DO NOT INSERT THE NEEDLE INTO THE NEXT STITCH!
  • While the needle is ‘resting’ between stitches wrap the yarn around the working needle in the same direction as if you were forming a knit stitch.
  • You’ve just formed a Yarn Over.

K2tog-R — Knit 2 tog with a Right Slant
One of the most basic decreases used in knitting will be what we call a K2tog-R.  In most Western patterns this is called, “K2tog”, but I like to add the K2tog-R at the end of the technique name to reinforce that this decrease will slant TO THE RIGHT.

A decrease will either slant to the left, to the right, or will be centered vertically.  This decrease slants to the right.

A simple way to remember what direction a decrease will slant is to note what direction the needle tips are pointing AS THEY ENTER THE STITCHES TO BE DECREASED!

We’ll work our K2tog-R thus:

  • Work to the point where the decrease will happen
  • Insert the tip of the working (Right) needle into the 2nd st from the tip of the Left needle, then continuing on, insert the tip of the working needle into the 1st stitch at the tip of the Left Needle.
  • The Left and Right needles will BOTH be inserted into the same two stitches at the tip of the Left needle, the needle tips will be pointing in the same direction.
  • Wrap the yarn around the tip of the working (Right) needle, then draw this loop through BOTH stitches (see video below) thus working these stitches together.
  • Kick the completed stitches off of the Left needle.

As shown in the video below, as the needle enters the stitches to form a RIGHT Decrease, the tip of the working needle enters the sts to be decreased pointing to the RIGHT.

I’m not going to cover the K2tog-L decrease here, which is usually called SSK or K2tog-TBL in most Western patterns.  You can watch the video to see how to form it, and WHY I call it K2tog-L, but as it’s not used in this lace motif I’ll just leave it here for now.

VDD — Vertical Double Decrease
In our Wimple we’ll be using the K2tog-R technique and a different decrease technique called a VDD to create a Centered, Vertical Decrease which leans neither left nor right.

A Vertical, or Centered, decrease will always involve an odd number of stitches; stitches to be decreased on either side of a centered stitch which will remain at the center of the decrease.

We’ll work our VDD thus:

  • Work to the point where the decrease will happen
  • Insert the tip of the working (Right) needle into the 2nd st from the tip of the Left needle, then continuing on, insert the tip of the working needle into the 1st stitch at the tip of the Left Needle.
  • Slip these stitches off together. DO NOT KNIT THEM, simply slip them off of the Left Needle onto the Right (working) needle.
    The stitches MUST be slipped together, do not slip them one by one.
  • Knit the next stitch on the Left needle
  • Pass the 2 stitches you’ve just slipped onto the Right needle OVER the single knit stitch you’ve just worked.
  • You can pass the stitches one at a time, or together, whichever is easiest.

You will have just formed a decrease which is vertically centered.  You should be able to see the center V clearly.  You have just decreased 2 stitches, turning a group of 3 sts into a single stitch.

In our motif, the VDD is ‘bookended’ at either side with a YO. These two Yarn Overs will take the place of the stitches that you decrease in the VDD, keeping the number of stitches in the motif constant.

More info tomorrow when we cover CABLES, another important element in our Split Cable Wimple.

I could use a Knit-Along, how about you?

I was gifted with some Qiviut yesterday, and I’ve been stroking it and loving it ever since.

I generally don’t knit up stuff for myself, JUST FOR ME, especially not in such a luxurious yarn. I try to use our own ModeKnit Yarn when I knit these days, but—c’mon—Qiviut ?  This is very special.

I’ve been told by my Med Onc, that I’ll be losing my hair.  I’m debating allowing Andy to just go ahead and shave it, it’s pretty short already, but my condition will be that ANDY will have to be my Sampson and will NOT cut their own hair.  It will make me so happy to see lovely, rich, deep auburn locks growing while my own bald pate is shining with Dex-induced fever sweats.

But I will need some kind of head covering. If nothing else, for the AC I’ll be in the rest of the Summer, and my chemo will be going FAR into the Fall and Winter and perhaps Spring of 2019.

SPLIT CABLE WIMPLE
Instead of a hat, I think I’m going to knit up a cowl and use it in various ways.  I love folding and twisting a cowl to create a sort of hat, and that will probably be the way that I utilize this beautiful Qiviut. Cowls and wimples are my go-to, I find them so useful, so this will be my Joyful Personal Knit for the coming weeks.

Would you like to knit along with me?

Buy Split Cable Wimple Pattern Now Via Paypal for $4.00

Be a NUN – or just look like one!

In all honesty, the pattern is NOT well reviewed (there’s only one 2-star review…) but it’s always been one of my favorites. There’s no accounting for taste, but I have met folks who’ve knit this up and have loved it.

It’s NOT my best selling pattern, but I love the idea of company to knit this together with me.  So if you purchase this pattern it before I start my Chemo on Monday, Aug 20, the price will be $4.00.

 

Blog Support
I’ll be happy to blog about the how my knitting is going every week or so, point out highlights and address issues that folks may be having.  It will be a nice change of pace on the blog from “Ow, I hurt.” or “Ish, I’m tired!”

If you’ve never knit lace, this may be easy enough to get you going. There IS a cable in it, and I’ll be happy to discuss my technique for cabling without a cable needle.  The lace work is simple and very repetitive, and once you get the first repeat you SHOULD be able to read your work and memorize the lace.  Or not.  I don’t like to put expectations on folks for their personal knits, I just hope this will be simple enough to be fun, and challenging enough to be interesting.

We could treat this as a casual, online class. I’ll post tutorials as I can, and you guys can share info with each other if you want.

How does that sound?

Buy Split Cable Wimple Pattern Now Via Paypal for $4.00

You can use WHATEVER fiber you want!  I’m using the aforementioned Qiviut, which is slightly heavier than a fingering weight.  I’ll be working it up on size 7US/4.5mm needles because that’s the drape I’m looking for, but with a cowl the beauty is gauge is NOT vital, so you can just aim for the lightness (or heaviness) of fabric you’re looking for and start there!

A note about lace: Do NOT fall under the misconception that because you’re knitting lace you’ll want to use HUGE needles.  I like to knit my lace on a needle that’s NOT too large for the yarn. If there’s too much space between stitches (which can happen with larger needles)

You get the pattern, you find some yarn, and let’s get going on Friday, okay?  See you then!

Diagnosis Update, And A Decision (?)

Today we met with Dr. N, my Medical Oncologist, who had the results of all the tests I was given last week (with the exception of the bone marrow biopsy results, which are still outstanding)  My new diagnosis is a bit more daunting than the original.

High grade b-cell lymphoma with MYC and Bcl-2 arrangements.

Doctor M called it a “Double hit lymphoma” and said that it is a “Particularly aggressive b-cell lymphoma.”

I’m still working my way through this, mentally, and have asked my doc to send me any written information that I can study.  He is a lovely man, and will take as MUCH time as I need and want to discuss it with me, but I don’t feel I can 100% connect with the information until I can read a bit about it.  We all learn differently.

The chemo is going to be more aggressive than originally envisioned, and this is the part where I think I may need to take my care into my own hands in a way.

So far St. John’s has been good, if a little uneven, with the quality of care.  But one thing that’s been a constant is the confusion on the 2nd floor, the main Cancer Center where I’d be receiving chemo treatment.

The staff seem to be loud and a bit aggressive with each other, but I may be misreading the room.  I don’t like loud noises, or loud voices, when I’m trying to work through something.  I don’t know how difficult it will be for me to insert myself into this environment each day for chemo.

Also, there seem to be odd misunderstandings. For instance, as I checked in today one of the reception staff asked if I had a port. I said, “Yes.”  Somehow that got translated to the nurse taking my blood thinking that I had requested that my blood be draw from my port, which I definitely did NOT request.

The port hasn’t been used yet, I have NO IDEA if it’s entirely healed, I wouldn’t have requested that.

But there it was, THE PATIENT HAS REQUESTED THE PORT BE USED. So the nurse tried to use the port, it didn’t work, she couldn’t get the needle thing in and it hurt like hell.  The nurse seemed put out with me, upset that I had my family with me, and the second nurse who came in to draw the blood from my arm was a bit abrupt, too.

Whether this is just ‘their way’, whether I was ENTIRELY misreading the situation (very possible) or whether there was some underlying reason for the oddness are scenarios I’m going through in my mind.  Suffice to say, the vibe of the place seemed odd to me.

But, then again, I just heard that my cancer is more serious than I thought. I’ve learned that it has to be treated more aggressively, and EVERYTHING seems odd to me.

I would be VERY happy to be proven wrong.  It may be that I’m just terribly oversensitive right now because of the change in the diagnosis, but it feels as though the needs of the patient may not come first in the Cancer Care Center at St. John’s.

Appointment Madness
I don’t know where the disconnect is, but I’m hoping that when I go back on Thursday for my “Chemo Class” I’ll get a better feeling about the place.

After my meeting with my doc, when ALL I wanted to do was crawl home, write a bit, do some research and contemplate what I’d just been told, I had to spend an hour standing up, leaning on a high counter, while one of the receptionists scheduled appointments.

Making a woman with so much cancer pain stand at a reception desk for an hour scheduling simple appointments just seems cruel.  At the least it seems they should have a dedicated scheduler on staff where a client can SIT DOWN with office staff and work through setting up appointments.

More to the point, I believe these appointments could have been scheduled very easily without me even being there!  I mean, I have nothing else on my agenda right now except for getting better.  If they’d just schedule the infusions, appointments and possible transfusions, I’ll just show up (or let them know if I can’t make them, and change them)  It seems a perfect use for the MyChart portal.

A Different Center?
I definitely want to continue my treatment with HealthEast, but an alternative would be to move my chemo to a different Cancer Center within the network.  Woodwinds is the center where I had the Bone Marrow Biopsy, and would be an alternative to St. Johns. But would it be any better? What makes me think one center would be more caring than another center?  It’s farther away, and it could/would make things more complicated with my Med Oncologist, which is not something I relish.

I don’t really want to change, I just want to feel better about St. Johns.  And that might not be possible, and I will just have to live with that.

HealthEast and HealthPartners are always sending out surveys for patients to fill out, I have two in my bag right now.  But do they REALLY want to know about issues, are they REALLY interested in making the experience of healing cancer as good for the patient as it could be?

Am I just being difficult to ask these questions?

I think I need to sleep on a lot of stuff.  In all honesty, once I get going at ANY Cancer Care Center, I think I’ll just be on auto pilot as I fight through however many Chemo sessions I end up needing.  I may just be grasping at silly details to keep my mind from focusing on worst case scenarios.

Farther Along
The phrase, “Stem Cell Transplant” was used as a possible prophylactic measure against return of the disease.  Having been through that with Gerry, and not really knowing what that might mean in terms of insurance, etc., I’m just leaving that alone right now.

It’s scary, though.

D Day

I’ll Be Taking The Walking Path For The Time Being!

The diagnosis of my cancer was PDQ (pretty damn quick), coming immediately after they’d finished my MRI on July 23rd.  At the time I was a bit nonplussed when the ER doc, after one test, made a pretty conclusive initial diagnosis; “Well, you DON’T have Fibromyalgia, you’ve got CANCER.”

After a bit of discussion I understood what me meant was that there were THREE pretty sizable sites of metastasis (spine, back of the neck and lymph nodes) which was as much of a guarantee that I had cancer as anything else they could have seen.  The mystery at that point was, what exactly was the PRIMARY cause of the cancer.

The days between the initial MRI, the lymph node biopsy and the point when the pathology was ready to be addressed were LONG ones.  Only 5 days, but it felt like 5 months, and it weighed very heavily on my psyche.  Those were 5 days of pure fear.

Dexamethasone: All the sweats, hot flashes, puffiness and irascibility of Menopause, now in a convenient PILL!

When my Medical Oncologist, Dr. N, sat us down and told us that I had Stage 4 Diffuse B-Cell Lymphoma, our reaction was SO positive I think it surprised him.  My big fear was that I’d had a large, solid mass tumor somewhere; colon, liver, some terrible place.  And THAT would have been a very difficult diagnosis to process.

But I was extremely lucky.  Lymphoma is a cancer where the word “cure” is actually used.  Yes, I am VERY lucky!

TODAY is another D-Day, at least for me it is.  Today is the day we look at the results of all those tests I’ve been taking this past week, most especially the bone marrow biopsy and lumbar puncture, to see if the cancer has moved into my spinal cord.  I think it’s about as scary as it sounds.

I asked demanded that I have my two more painful tests under anesthesia, and more than ever I’m convinced it was a very good call.  The residual pain I feel in my back and hips from these tests is pretty extreme this week, I would hazard to say that the pain these last few days has been as bad as it was at the start of this adventure in mid-July, which is pretty bad.  The main difference is that this time I have several pain meds I can use to break through this pain, and that’s a mercy.

Dealer’s Choice
So today I have my “long visit” with Dr. N,  where we’ll go over the test results and discuss what may be the next step in this trip.  With absolutely no medical experience or education of any type, my only point of reference is having been Gerry’s caregiver for so many years.

Topical pain relief from Galina!

But the truth is, Gerry is the ‘researcher’ in the family; he goes into his head, he reads stuff, he deals with numbers and percentages, THAT’s his comfort zone.

I’m not dividing my observations into a male/female way of dealing with pain and new medical information, because I know many women who are very numbers oriented (me, for one!) and I know MANY men who approach things in a more “feeling” way.

But in the case of Gerry and myself, I tend to be the “emotions whisperer” with the kids, Gerry tends to put the numbers into some type of structure that we can use to understand them better.

For this reason, when Gerry gets scared, or shows his emotions, it hits me very hard.  I’ve been scared this week, no specific reason, just overall FEAR.  Gerry admitted to me last night that HE is hella scared, too.  His fear paralyzes me, but I never want him NOT to tell me he’s afraid; he keeps SO much stuff bottled up inside as it is, I’m HAPPY that he shares his fears with me, too!

Emotional pain relief from Galina!

Good teams, like our family, will always find a way to regroup and work together, changing roles as each of us changes our outlook or understanding of the disease.  I am DEFINITELY feeling the need for some therapy, though. HealthEast Cancer Care at St. John’s only seems to have ONE Oncology Psychotherapist, and we have an appt for next week.  Apparently she’s exceptional, well loved, and — it being August — has been on vacation.

Note to self: NEVER get cancer in August again if you want to see your care team together in the same week…

I’ve been mentally preparing for The Worst News Scenario, and alternatively preparing for The Best News Scenario.  It’s really all one can do at this point.  Having spent a life in the theater, mostly working backstage, I love the feeling of an audience receiving all the parts of a theatrical production in the “order” that the director, designers and actors choose to present it.  Seeing exposition (back story) presented cleverly and well is a hallmark of exceptional theater.

Rx Pain Relief from the Docs

In terms of my cancer, ALL of the exposition rests in the hands of Doc N, who will reveal precisely what HE understands is happening inside of me later this morning.  In 4-1/2 hours, to be precise.  Which Gerry will want to be.

News when I have it!  Love always!

Strategizing

When Gerry was diagnosed wth his OWN blood cancer (Multiple Myeloma) in April, 2007, we were new folks in a new state (Minnesota!) with a couple of great kids who were newly placed in their brand new schools.

Max was a 4th grader at Randolph Heights elementary, where he quickly found a place with new friends (our neighborhood was LOADED with boys just his age, and he created some wonderful friendships right off the bat.)

Gerry Gazes at Scotland

We felt lucky to get Andy a place at the Linwood A+ school, which had an arts focus, and she did okay there.  Few things are perfect, but it was a lovely school at a tough time in all of our lives, and it was nearby and filled with active, caring parents and teachers.  Really, what more could one really need?

Giving Care
And me? I felt like was running, running, running.  Every day more running, never finished with what needed to be finished, learning to let things go that simply didn’t matter as much as what might be on the horizon.

And THAT was our default mode for years.

Trying to find joy and opportunities for growth for the kids, seeking as little pain and as much hope for Gerry, and me? Just chasing down freelance gigs and jobs that would dovetail with my own duties as Gerry’s caregiver and pay our mortgage was enough of a daily grind for me.

The spotlight that I knowingly focused on my family at this time has been debated online, folks have opinions about the wisdom/good taste of me writing and blogging about Gerry’s illness.

I took heart from the fact that Gerry seemed to love the blog, he was very happy with the book I wrote (basically the blog, plus extra bits) and I think he was proud of me.

We haven’t discussed it in so many words, but after 25 years of marriage, you have a sense of how your partner is accepting something, if you allow yourself to hear with your whole being.

Giving Joy
I was dedicated to not just getting THROUGH Gerry’s cancer journey, but to doing it with love and growth, passion and, yes, Joy.

A few years into our St. Paul adventure I signed up for a workshop at our local Public Access TV Station.  Max had been involved with them through an after-school-work program that the City of St. Paul had set up. Have I mentioned yet today JUST how livable and amazing our adopted town is?

Meta Max

SPNN, St. Paul Neighborhood Network, is an amazing resource, and given Max’s Television DNA* a perfect fit for him.  Watching him grow, and then seeing him learning to lead and teach other young people, THAT was the most amazing part of being a Mom during Max’s journey.

Andy moved in a direction totally new to any of us, which is exactly as it should be!  Once we were able to get both kids involved in the Breakthrough  Program, they found their places and just continued to grow.  We had to FIGHT to get Andy in, her teacher at the time was under the assumption that because, quite frankly, we were white, we had no place in the program.

So she withheld Andy’s application, and didn’t even send it in.  When we discovered this, I spent a few busy afternoons chasing down signatures and talking with program directors, and they promised that Andy would definitely be considered for the program.  Then we heard she was in, and we were so grateful!  It was the start of a very good chapter for both Max AND Andy, setting them up for success in high school and college.

Andy Draws On Her Love of Nature

At it’s heart, Breakthrough St. Paul (BSP) is a program designed to help kids who might fall through the cracks get on the right track and get into college.  Because of the topsy-turvey cancer life we’d been living, some days just feeling BARELY able to keep it together, the assistance that BSP lent us made a huge difference.

For Andy, perhaps the biggest milestone was a week-long canoe trip in the Boundary Waters of Minnesota.  This was arranged through BSP, the kids left from YMCA Camp Menogyn and happily paddled about for a week.

If I’d previously thought of Andy-and-the-outdoors at all, it was taking a bike ride, or a walk through the South Mountain Reservation (back in NJ.)  I did not expect the strong, formidable, brave and beautiful canoe goddess that began to emerge in place of my child.

Beautiful, Fierce Becca!

Each year Andy’s canoeing exploits grew longer, until by high school’s end Andy and 4 other women embarked on an amazing 52-day, 2-canoe trip through the Canadian Arctic, led by brave and resourceful Becca (who eventually became our first “payroll” Part Time Dyer at ModeKnit Yarn!  We’re one big family!)

Each child growing so differently.  So much joy that brings.  Andy went to canoe camp, Max went to debate camp, and life is always an adventure.

Care Taker?
In the same way our kids grow independent, part of a family but also vastly different, Gerry and I have cancer journeys that seem to diverge into a yellow wood.

We’d debated the term—and kicked about the role—of caregiver between us.  When Gerry was at his low point, I was there.  But a few years later when I seemed struck with Fibromyalgia** our story turned inside out a bit and he cared for me SO beautifully.

Now that I’m fighting my OWN blood cancer (Stage 4 B-Cell Lymphoma) my ability to be a care giver is in question, and with the return of Gerry’s cancer last Fall (and the complications from his latest drug therapy, 2 heart attacks in March) Gerry caring for anyone other than Gerry is out of the question.

Gerry’s caring strength rests in comprehending and explaining the ins and outs of our insurance, and he does that VERY well. Ever family should be so lucky to have a steward like him watching out for the asshattery of Insurance Companies as they try to find ways to screw us maximize profits.

<Rant>
We are DAMNED FORTUNATE to be living in Minnesota, where the government really DOES care whether it’s citizens have decent health coverage and, for the most part, refuse to play political games with our health.

This means that I don’t just have insurance, I have DAMNED GOOD insurance. When a state will allow it, the ACA WORKS!  When folks try to throw wrenches in the works simply to prove how much they hate Barack Obama, they do nothing but hurt their own citizens.  What on earth could be LESS patriotic that hurting American Citizens simply to win a political argument?

What I have is what EVERY AMERICAN deserves.  Freedom to pursue the healing plan that my doctor feels is right for me, and the right to question that, augment it, or change it.
</Rant>

But back to our family’s strategy for CANCER II, MOM’S TURN.  We’re still figuring it out.

Enter Andy
Fortunately I have a loving and willing caregiver in the form of Andy, just out of college, not yet employed, filled with love and capability!

In my condition, requiring help with several personal, intimate duties, I will most likely be permitted a PCA (Personal Care Assistant) and, if possible, I’m hoping we can make Andy that person.  I’ll get the help I need, Andy’ll have a paying job, and the school loans can start to get paid back!

It's ALIVE!

Time To Care For Me, Now!

Max will be returning to college soon, and I will miss him.  But at the same time, it’s got to be impossibly difficult for a young man to see his mom in such a physically debilitated state.  Moms & Sons, such a wonderful, yet delicate dance we do.

I don’t have a ton of pride, I’m more of a self-respect type of woman.  The nurses at my various procedures are constantly trying to tie up my gown, or throw another robe on me, scandalized by my milky white rear end  floating like a moon around my bed.

But I will cop to a certain pridefulness in front of my kids when I want to appear to be strong.  Once Max is back at school, I think I’ll be able to relax the standards a bit, not hold myself up quite so high, and I’m glad he won’t be here every day to see my fight through the chemo.

It’s a sad day when simply being CLOTHED is considered a high standard.

Tears
And now, just because I think it’s important for YOU to have a good, relaxing cry this Sunday morning, I bring you a lovely TV ad which features dogs, knitted dolls and love.  You’re welcome.

*Gerry and I have both worked in television, he as a producer-director, me in art & wardrobe departments. It seems we’ve passed this love on to Maxie.

**Did I have Fibromyalgia? DO I have it? Or was it this nascent tumor making itself known EVER THEN?

Income Must Exceed Outgo

Sookie St James
Dyelot 060318

The truth is, dyeing yarn is my passion, designing patterns is my joy, but selling yarn is my business and our income.  With Gerry out of commission from his myeloma for 12 years, my teaching, design work, writing, and yarn sales are our complete income outside of disability, which is small.

Putting the kids through college has been a tough but necessary thing, and now that Andy is out that’s a huge relief. Down-sizing last year so we could consolidate everything could NOT have come at a better time, especially in hindsight.  Somehow we had the presence of mind to set ourselves up for THIS cancer adventure.

Betty Confetti
Dyelot 081717

The Other Half Of MKY
Aside from me, though, there’s Kathleen to consider.  At a point when Kathleen was between jobs, I mentioned that I’d always wanted to start a business dyeing yarns that were as easy to care for as they were beautiful.  I feel strongly that most folks make knitted items as gifts (for themselves, for others) and giving a gift with instructions can be a hard thing in our modern busy age.  “Here’s a lovely baby cardigan I made for you, now here’s how you have to hand-wash it so you can enjoy it more than once!”

Freckled Iris
Dyelot 071818

Kathleen jumped in and said she was “in!”  We each put up $1,000 and the use of Kathleen’s personal vehicle and garage for yarn storage and my own gorgeous 3 car garage as our dye studio.  We’ve made it work, and slowly we’ve built our assets and our customer base and have made a very good team.

Working out the kinks of our friendship along with the kinks of a young business partnership has been refreshing and 99% wonderful, like a lovely type of marriage.  I don’t want to leave Kathleen in the lurch by my absence, and selfishly I don’t WANT to be absent from the entire business.

Crab Nebula
Dyelot 053018

There is something SO special about women working together toward a financial, business goal, and Kathleen’s been remarkable every step of the way.

Kathleen is a HUGE part of MKY’s success; her knowledge and ability to help customers with virtually EVERY aspect of the yarn buying process is astounding.  She single handedly arranges out travel schedule and builds our kits, creates mini skein sets and handles the taxes and insurance angles of the business.  If we have a well-run business, it is definitely due to Kathleen. I dye the yarn and design the patterns, she does the rest!]

Obviously I won’t be able to attend any of the yarn shows this Fall, and leaving this mess on Kathleen’s head is one of the things I feel the worst about.

Night Music
Dyelot 072418

So Let’s Keep Growing!
ModeKnit Yarn has been doing well these past 5 years, growing steadily and providing a better-than-part-time income for Kathleen and myself, paying bills, hiring a few outside folks and reveling in the community of knitters and fiber artists that we inhabit.

It is by no means a HUGE income, but we make it work, and it’s also been a blast!  I will miss the travel and camaraderie more than anything, and I’m so impressed by Kathleen’s ability to jump in and line up a bright array of friends and former employees to dive into the biz and be our new “booth assistants”.  I’m actually a bit jealous of all of them.

Because I’ve been so low energy for so long in the booth, realistically my presence isn’t such a bonus these days.  In fact, when I was relying on pain relievers to get through a shift I’m afraid I was absolutely terrifying in my stream-of-consciousness riffs that would alternately delight and dismay our customer base.

Emily Gimore
Dyelot 072817

A New “Mode” Of Selling
We’re going to try to revamp the business for the foreseeable future so that it’s less about ‘dyeing on demand’ and instead will be ‘dyeing what we feel like!’ (or, rather ‘deying what we’re able!’) and then offering those yarns for sale in small batches on our website, more of an etsy type system.

I’m just not certain of my strength of body or mind to be able to match colors from our palette and satisfy customers.

Disappointing more folks is the LAST thing I want to do this year.  I feel responsible to try to keep things as profitable as possible while I’m out of commission with radiation and chemo.

“It is MODEKnit Yarn, Darling!”

The plan at this point is for my dye assistant, Layla, to pick up some of the slack I am dropping during my recovery, and perhaps to do some specialty orders.  We won’t be up to our old dye schedule for quite a while, but perhaps we can devise a new normal to allow us to continue to develop color ways, products and projects, while at the same time allowing Layla and Kathleen to have more creative input into the biz.

That part is HARD for me.  I wouldn’t call myself a ‘control freak’, but my NAME is on the company (well, 4 letters of my name…) and I feel an ownership of the creative side that I might not feel if we had just named our company, “Minnesota Nice Yarns” or something like that.

Stay Tuned
Instead we chose as our tagline, “Make Something NICE!” because – Minnesota!

So far we’ve photographed about 1/4 of our yarns, I’m in the process of creating individual inventory items for everything we’ll be selling. Hopefully this will have the happy outcome of allowing us to align our WooCommerce and our Square inventories (I have a plug-in!) 

Now the question is, can I create a bit of clarity of mind to actually CREATE this thing.  Radiation brain, friends, the struggle is REAL!