In two days I turn 59, which is older than many of my family members were able to make, but I’m definitely feeling like a celebration! I’ve ordered a cake from Ben & Jerry’s, I intend to wear a party hat to my chemo / infusion / lab draws on Thursday, and I also intend to grab onto every single birthday I’m fortunate enough to have from this point onward.
But when I view the future through the reality of TWO cancers, I see a different picture. It’s more out of focus and landmarks are difficult to see. I can see death around the edges, where before it was so far ahead of me that it didn’t seem real.
None of us will beat death, it will get us in the end. I’ve become much more at peace with that truth over the last few years. I’ve lost so many folks who are close to me, maybe that’s why I have such a strong desire to see a grandchild. Or maybe it’s just that I love babies.
And there it is. The hardest thing in the world to deal with, the thing that makes the cancer feel like a personal attack at times, instead of just an unfortunate roll of the dice. Missing Gerry is the hardest thing I do, I know it’s so hard for the kids and for his family back in NY, too. The fact that I had 12 years to contemplate and prepare for his leaving us does make it a bit easier, it really does. But at times the pain of knowing I’ll never hug that dear man again is almost overwhelming.
The difference in how I’m doing right now is nothing short of a minor medical miracle. Or maybe the miracle is my kid’s love, and all the good food and REAL rest that I’ve been getting at home! Yesterday my doctor was pretty much astounded at how much better my hemoglobin and platelets are doing. …
After the past 9 months I’d be happy never to see the inside of a hospital again, but part of me is also wondering if a knee replacement is in my future. I see an orthopedic doc in a few weeks, the same doc I saw 2 years ago who gave me a shot in my knee that helped quite a bit, and I’m curious to find out if this knee pain can be surgically remedied.
I REALLY wanted a stand-alone space like a garage, but I didn’t think I’d find it. The business is growing beautifully, and my business partner Kathleen Pascuzzi and I realized that we would have to move to a larger space, so I was just hoping somehow I could roll that all into our home search.
My mom used to say, “When you feel blue, take a walk or take a nap.” and I think right now I need the equivalent of a nice long walk every day. Maybe a nice, long walk down to the Jimmy Lee Recreation Center?
Now I just have to keep convincing myself that the hour-a-day I take from my busy schedule is WELL worth the time.
It’s really true – when you run a business, it’s very hard to take time for YOU!
I just made a chart of my total miles per month (I’ve been keeping track of all these numbers via Daily Mile since 2010) and it looks like my cycling has actually INCREASED in the past few years.