And there it is. The hardest thing in the world to deal with, the thing that makes the cancer feel like a personal attack at times, instead of just an unfortunate roll of the dice. Missing Gerry is the hardest thing I do, I know it’s so hard for the kids and for his family back in NY, too. The fact that I had 12 years to contemplate and prepare for his leaving us does make it a bit easier, it really does. But at times the pain of knowing I’ll never hug that dear man again is almost overwhelming.
The difference in how I’m doing right now is nothing short of a minor medical miracle. Or maybe the miracle is my kid’s love, and all the good food and REAL rest that I’ve been getting at home! Yesterday my doctor was pretty much astounded at how much better my hemoglobin and platelets are doing. …
One of the really nice things about U of M Med Center is the update they give me every few days of my condition. It’s so helpful to see how my caregivers are viewing me, and I see hints in there as to what they’re hoping to accomplish in the near and far future.
Today I’m going to make some cookies. I’ve entered myself into the Minnesota State Fair under the Decorated Cookie category (this year’s theme: Minnesota Flowers) and I’m raring to go!
I’m planning on making up a bunch of royal icing using meringue powder (so it will keep, in an airtight container, for up to a month) and I will practice a few different types of flowers and decorating techniques in the two months before I have to turn in my cookies.
The stress of the travel and the stress of the insurance snafu last week have left me exhausted, though. Absolutely shattered, just SO tired that I feel as though I’m sleepwalking. My body and my soul need rest, so perhaps these five days in the hospital will be a bit of a respite for me?
I want a Chemo Uniform.
I want something that’s easy to put on, take off, wash and just NOT THINK ABOUT.
Perfection would be a pretty linen dress that’s a big apron with lots of pockets. So I made it. I may make another (in a different fabric) because this is going to be going on for more than a few months, and I just don’t want to have to spend time deciding what to wear each day.
Apparently my tumor has been a sneaky pete, waiting around, hiding in places where only an MRI would find it. I can’t be TOO angry at the tumor, after all, I made it. And I’m enough of a crafty woman to appreciate a good (artistic?) creation.[caption id="attachment_6061" align="alignright" width="300"] During each radiation treatment Xrays were used to align the laser for best zapping power[/caption]
The tumor has grown straight (well, not really in-a-line-straight) through my T10 vertebra and is going into my T9. There’s also some growth to the right, which I can feel, which is the weirdest thing in the world.
What I HAVE dyed in the few days, though, is amazing. I’ve dyed the equivalent of 240 skeins of yarn, most for orders, but some of it for our stock. And now that the last batches are in their citric acid baths, I’ve changed out of my dye clothes and into something dry and cool, and I’m engaging in one of my guilty pleasures; binge-watching ALONE on the History Channel, and enjoying my indoor plumbing, running water and beautiful home!
I just released a new pattern, one that I’m REALLY excited about! I love working garter mitered squares, so when I was inspired by the beautiful Brahmin (or “Owl”) Moth, I thought mitering was the way to go!
Now I just have to keep convincing myself that the hour-a-day I take from my busy schedule is WELL worth the time.
It’s really true – when you run a business, it’s very hard to take time for YOU!