But when I view the future through the reality of TWO cancers, I see a different picture. It’s more out of focus and landmarks are difficult to see. I can see death around the edges, where before it was so far ahead of me that it didn’t seem real.
While I was going through treatment for Lymphoma I made the decision that once I was in remission I would get a tattoo. The image I wanted was a Charles Schulz character named ‘Number Three’ who dances onstage in the Charlie Brown Christmas Special. She’s one of a pair of twins (her sister is named,…
The quarantine has been easier for me than most folks I know. I can’t really get out and do much, I’m relegated to my bed, or my recliner, for all of the time each day that I’m not moving from room to room. With so many folks in a similar situation (stuck at home) I feel less alone in my recovery, it’s as if the whole world is recovering with me.
And there it is. The hardest thing in the world to deal with, the thing that makes the cancer feel like a personal attack at times, instead of just an unfortunate roll of the dice. Missing Gerry is the hardest thing I do, I know it’s so hard for the kids and for his family back in NY, too. The fact that I had 12 years to contemplate and prepare for his leaving us does make it a bit easier, it really does. But at times the pain of knowing I’ll never hug that dear man again is almost overwhelming.
The difference in how I’m doing right now is nothing short of a minor medical miracle. Or maybe the miracle is my kid’s love, and all the good food and REAL rest that I’ve been getting at home! Yesterday my doctor was pretty much astounded at how much better my hemoglobin and platelets are doing. …
But I have a big decision to make. Should I get a Bone Marrow Transplant (BMT). Gerry had one in 2007, and they’re NOT FUN. It would mean going back into the hospital for at least 30 days, and right now the best doner that we’ve found so far is Max! There are millions of doners in the registry, though, so they’re searching to see if there might be a better match.
As seldom as I seem to be blogging these days, you may not hear from me again until after Thanksgiving, so I hope you all have an exceptional holiday with loving friends and/or family and snugly animals to pet and love! And thank you all for sticking with me during this really rough year. It’s been hard, and I’ve had a good amount of loss, but I have SO MUCH to be thankful for – and I am!
Yesterday I discovered an online community, based in the UK, Macmillan Cancer Support, for cancer patients and their caregivers. I may have run into this site earlier, but it just didn’t register in my brain at the time.
Macmillan seems an amazing resource for folks who are seeking answers (and also seeking online companionship on what is often a very lonely path) and I’m glad i found it. I’ve already had a lovely response about recovery times from CODOX-M from a fellow who was also on this drug regime, and I feel comforted.
If it hadn’t been for SS survivor benefits, I would never have been able to attend college after my father died when I was 16. Ironically, the same is true for Paul Ryan, who has been one of the loudest voices against this benefit.
In fact, the benefit for child survivors of a deceased parent has changed, it used to continue while the child was in college, now it just ends at 18, making college just a dream for so many kids who have lost a parent and aren’t genius enough to earn scholarships.
Yesterday I had a visit with my oncologist and, his exact words (as he shook my hand) were, “Congratulations on surviving cancer…” The tumor in my spine is officially gone. I am in remission, and that is amazing news! From this point I have doctor visits ever 3 months, and a scan every 6 months. …