I keep racking my brain for ANY food that is remotely appealing, but everything I try (even stuff that “sounds good”) ends up being a vehicle for nausea. Even my old stand by, ice cream. Oy.
So, I’m still here. A little shaky, a little pale, and apparently I’m right in the “eye” of the chemo, but I’ll get through it. Thank you for being here with me.
My goals are to stay put. To get through this thing in one place, mentally and physically. TO just BE HERE, to be present, and to GET THROUGH IT. I would give anything to run away, but that’s not possible, you cannot outrun cancer.
Part of staying put will be trying to keep my good numbers up; good platelet counts, good hemoglobin, just GOOD numbers. And to keep the bad numbers down; heart rate below 100.
I can be relaxed about this so far because it’s only day one. We’ll see how happy I am on day 7, when the side effects begin to come into their own. For now, I’ll enjoy what I can enjoy, not that getting liters and liters of fluids pumped into me all day is terribly ENJOYABLE, but it’s not horrible.
The stress of the travel and the stress of the insurance snafu last week have left me exhausted, though. Absolutely shattered, just SO tired that I feel as though I’m sleepwalking. My body and my soul need rest, so perhaps these five days in the hospital will be a bit of a respite for me?
So imagine my joy when, on Friday, Ellyn confessed to me that she’d booked a flight out to St. Paul and would be staying the weekend!! She also booked into an Air BnB, but – luckily – her host contacted her on Sat morning to tell her that she’d have to cancel the reservation, so Ellyn was free to stay here, in Max’s room!
It’s been SUCH a lovely weekend. A lovely, silly, boring, wonderful weekend! I’m not able to do much, and this weekend my exhaustion and nausea levels were pretty high, but Ellyn was cool with just SITTING on the sofa and watching cooking shows while we giggled and ate ice cream with Baileys.
I’m not an oncologist, and I’m not reading as much about this cancer as I probably should. I know many folks facing an illness like this prepare themselves with education, that was Gerry’s way of dealing with Multiple Myeloma. But I am lazier than that, and I know that my comprehension of the disease will probably have no material impact on what my doctors choose to do. I’d rather spend that time reading a novel, knitting or watching some cooking show. Or baking.
So this weekend I’ll get myself square away, packed up, ready to head down to Mayo. Andy’s booked into Days Inn (next to Methodist) and then later in the week she’ll move to the Staybridge Suites (a better choice for us when I’m released from Methodistl, but need to stay down in Rochester.)
Aside from my appointment today, and some yarn wringing out that I’m going to wrangle Andy into doing for me, today is a REST day. No walking, no trips, nothing but sitting on my butt, knitting, watching some TV and RESTING.
With two doctor visits and the support group, I was absolutely SHATTERED with exhaustion yesterday, today is Resting Wednesday.
Thank you. It took me SO long to learn how to say those words. MUSIC MAN I remember high school as years of pain, I was the poster child for “outcast” and ate my lunch just about every day up on the stage in the auditorium, surrounded by paint buckets and canvas flats, usually alone,…
As scary and overwhelming as the word CANCER is, it’s far LESS terrifying than the abject fear that I would NEVER feel any better than I did last November. The diagnosis of Cancer has given me a bit of hope, and that’s worth gold.
THIS is why I feel lucky. I feel that I’ve been given a chance to see the horizon, where before the diagnosis it was just a foggy bank of pain over in the distance. Now I have a direction where I can look, and dream.
Today is a pure exhaustion day. It’s 9:17, I’ve been up and down since 2am (hip pain makes it hard to stay level, so I’m up, then down, then up, etc. You get it…) I just walked to the dining room, moved a very small watermelon to the kitchen, cut it open, chopped 1/4 of…