I’m HONGRY, Mama…

When my brother, Jimmy, and I were little we’d devil our mom by mewling, plaintively, “I’m HONGRY!” and she’d flap her dish towel at us and chase us out of the kitchen.

She new we were making fun of her, in a loving way, of her accent and her family.  After all, Jimmy and I were born in the big city of TOLEDO, and she was from Reedy, WV (which, at that point, barely existed any more…)

What Can I Eat?
Having cancer, for me, means that I’m FRIGGIN’ STARVING almost all the time, but very few things sound good, and fewer things taste edible.  Once I light on something that I can actually EAT, I spend days hoping that my tastes won’t change again.  What I love on Monday can sometimes taste like doggy-do on Tuesday, and there’s no rhyme or reason to it.  It’s not about spice, or temperature of food, or sugar content, or really anything.

One constant has been tea.  I love a good cup of tea, and for better or for worse THAT is a delicious thing to cling to.  I’m also good with bananas and peanut butter is generally a positive.  There were a few days when the smell of it made me nauseas, but since then I’ve returned to the land of Smucker’s peanut butter, and in small amounts it’s good food.

One would think that friend foods are a no-no, but for whatever reason the fish sandwich from Culvers is exactly what I crave most days.  Fish & Chips in general (hold the chips) are tops on my list every day.  At least, this week.

Standing up long enough to actually MAKE that cup of tea, or butter that toast, or peel that banana is another story.  My back hurts SO badly, I think the pain is from the original tumor (in my T9 and T10 vertebrae) and also from the cancer metastasizing into other parts of my spine and hips.  Finding a comfortable position to sleep, or sit, or stand — it’s hard.  I am SO fortunate to have a nice recliner that seems to suit me very well.

I bought it (ostensibly) for Gerry for Father’s Day several years ago, but it never seemed to suit him.  Funny how many things I’ve bought for Gerry have become mine by default!

Picking My Battles
I had to give up a project today because I realized that with the deadline looming, and with two more chemo sessions lined up, there was NO WAY that I would be able to complete this project.  The weight of expectations was so heavy, and now that I’ve given up I feel a bit of guilt, but even more relief.  My brain needs to be sending as many positive thoughts to my body for healing, not fretting over getting a sweater knit — something that dozens of other folks could do just as well, if not better than I!

Back To Mom
Days like today, though, I swear I could go for some of my mom’s classic Soup Beans & Corn Bread, or her Fried Chicken.  Even some of her baked beans.

We ate like poor hillbillies, but damn that was some tasty food!

I miss my mom for so many reasons, but friend chicken is one of the big ones.