The Vapors
I feel languid, lazy and hot. Last night I taught in my gazebo – a small class, but a lovely class – and I’m VERY proud of one of my students who completed a hat from my book Knitting Millinery. She seriously doubted if she could do it at the start, but she did! This is Penny in her hat – it’s actually the Carnivale pattern, but worked up in linen with a woven ribbon crocheted trim and twisted cord hatband. I’m very proud of her – and it gives a designer an amazing glow to see a pattern realized with a minimum of swearing.

I also posted an image of the ribbed corset page of the top with sleeves attached. They’re drapey little lace sleeves, only attached at the top of the armhole, but they add a nice touch to those of us who’d rather keep our upper arms under wraps.

I feel like I’ve been oddly Utilitarian lately (my own religion) – my posts have been dry, not much fun and full of lists, notes and borderline boring details of my daily life. Do you ever have those weeks when you just feel – detached? As if you’re viewing life from a distance, that sounds take an extra millisecond to reach you (and when they do they don’t quite register?) Perhaps it’s the heat of the last two days and my body getting used to the change. I’m burrowing into the gazebo today for a marathon sketching session – I have some cool ideas for new sweaters that I want to get on paper before I lose them.

Perhaps it’s Teva’s book coming out and the success of the Yarn Harlot’s book. Both a excellent books (I haven’t seen all of Teva’s yet, but I have the Harlot’s and it lives up to it’s name!) It’s jealousy, pure, green and true. Painful, hurtful and useless. I’ve been shoving it away and filling the space with dead air, but it’s time to face the montster and then move ahead. The worst part of jealousy is that it’s so damned paralyzing!

I’m jealous that Steph’s such a damned good writer and Teva’s such an on-the-edge designer, but I guess I’m mostly jealous that they both have publishers AND they still have their vision. A lot of it’s timing, most of it’s skill, and there’s a lot of personality that accounts for it. Can you see the gigantic funk hole I’m digging in the back yard (behind the gazebo) where I’ll go bury myself later? I’m beyond jealous about the number of comments that every blog from www.joesbarandgrillblog.com to www.massmurderersblog.com get when I’m dancing in the kitchen if I get more than 5. I’m jealous that I can’t stop at one cookie (that makes no sense unless you’ve been where I am) and I’m jealous of women who can walk into a store and buy shoes that fit.

This feels too good.

I’m jealous of my neighbor’s yard care staff, and my other neighbor’s cream convertible VW bug. I’m jealous that my son’s new friend’s mom is working on her galleys for her soon to be published book. I’m jealous of people who don’t burn in the shade. I’m jealous of women who don’t have grey hair and wrinkles, and I’m jealous of those who’ve learned to live with them graciously. I’m plain jealous.

That was a long time coming.

What right do I have to be jealous? Who knows. I just got back from a a terrific vacation, I have a cool career (even if I do feel like I’m backpedling sometimes) and I love what I do (even if it’s hard to pay the mortgage on it – it would be harder to live with more $$ and less daily joy). Alls I know is that I’m hounded, wracked and submerged in a green funk and I’d better face it and walk around it.

If one of my students felt this way I’d have good stuff to tell them – wise stuff, even. I think I need to go spend some time with myself.

PS – here’s what my horoscope said for today:
Female energy, regardless of your gender, is what you need. The company of women will cheer you up and bolster you. Feeling slightly out of sorts? Resist the temptation to hole up by yourself. Getting out and about provides a good distraction, and the company of friends puts it all into perspective.

and then there’s this… Meow.