Oh, baby.
It’s been an intense few weeks, lots of teaching, lots of travel, LOTS of fun! But also lots of exhaustion!
- Beginning with Knit Lab in New Hampshire (which was excellent);
- Then my ModeKnit Minnesota Retreat (need I say, FAB-U-lous!);
- On to Knit Lab in San Mateo (also amazing!);
- TWO terrific classes at ImagiKnit in San Francisco (what a tremendous shop! What a selection!!);
- Back home to MN for a few days to repack – I love my home –I’m a Virgo;
- Then to Riverside, CA for classes at the local guild;
- And finally an extra special (and HUGE) experience with the wild women at Raincross Fiber Arts (also a DELIGHTFUL SHOP in a tiny space! Amazing!)
Whew!
I am tired to the bone.
I can’t explain this exhaustion, what it’s like, how it encompasses every aspect of my life when it comes on. What I can explain is that I ‘store up’ my energy, and use it as I can.
When I have a run of weeks like this (hey, I have to work WHEN there’s work!) it knocks me out for a long period of time, which is why it can be weeks between blog posts.
When I read Seabiscuit by Laura Hillenbrand, I loved the book. Then I adored the movie. I must confess that when I learned she had Chronic Fatigue Syndrome I didn’t really understand it. “So she lays in bed and writes, what’s the big deal?”
Now I get it.
Sometimes after a hard day I sit in my chair at home (or a sofa in a hotel, or a bed) and I literally cannot move a muscle for an hour or so. I feel lazy, indulgent, slobbish – all of those things – but I also know that this is something that can’t be helped. Or, rather, that I’m doing all I can to minimize it (eating right, resting, getting good exercise) but there it is.
All those times when I was tired in my youth and said, “I can’t move a muscle!” – well, I was exaggerating.
Now I know how that TRULY feels.
It’s easy to allow myself to feel marginalized, out of step, when I’m this tired. I don’t have the mental or emotional resources to fight off negativity (whether it originates internally or externally) so I try to focus on the positive things, and know that I’ll feel stronger soon.
Right now, though, I’ve been given a gift. An extra day!
I made a mistake when I booked my airline ticket home, I booked it for the 13th instead of the 12th (I got confused about Veteran’s Day) and so I have an extra day in Southern California.
Quel Dommage!
While I’m always sad to be away from Gerry and the kids, I’m happy to extend my car rental a day, and book a hotel with priceline ($60 on Redondo Beach!) so that I can sit by the ocean, knit, have a nice cup of tea, and just REST for a day.
This is a gift that I’m giving myself.
And who knows, after I rest a day, I might actually have something DECENT to blog about besides the sad tale of my tiredness!
Annie,
I am glad that you blog honestly about your health. As someone who has struggled with Chronic Fatigue and other chronic health issues, it is good to know I am not alone.
Also, it makes these issues less invisible.
Another important part to me is to see that even the creative folks that I look up to have up days and down days.
It makes creative work seem more accesible, not like a superpower that some folks have.
Thanks for listening to me ramble,
Susan
The blog post was not a “sad tale of my tiredness”. It was a statement of triumph; you made it through an intense work period. Of course you’re tired; you probably would be tired even if you did not have illness to deal with. Rest and then “carry-on”. Safe travels
I also agree with Paula, this is a triumph! As someone who has fibromyalgia I’m so proud of you for working to take care of yourself diet, exercise, rest, and staying positive. Its so easy to wallow in negativity. What a beautiful place to have a day of rest! Enjoy!
A day spent by the ocean while knitting and drinking tea? Ideal!