Waiting & Patience

I feel as though so much of my life these days is spent waiting!

• I’m waiting for Spring.
• I’m waiting for Max & Sophie to get back from Europe.
• I’m waiting for my body to heal so that I can walk.
• I’m waiting for my balance to return so I can ride my bike!

Waiting isn’t so bad, and while I’m waiting I’m also doing exercises, getting my body stronger, trying to make use of the ‘time in between.’  Waiting patiently is an excellent exercise for the soul.

Spring comes late to Minnesota, March is generally such a difficult month because there is the tease and the promise of warmer days, followed by unexpected snowfalls.

Right now I’m waiting for Andy to get up so we can go to the DMV.  But she just told me she doesn’t feel well so we’ll be going tomorrow.  More waiting.  I’m not really able to drive myself, or I’d just head out.  I might be able to make the drive, but once there dealing with the parking, getting my walker out, getting INTO the building; all of that is a bit too hard for me still, I’m not there yet.

So I’m home today, I’ll make my way downstairs to strengthen my leg muscles and my balance, and I’ll see how I feel once I’m in the kitchen.

I keep working toward being able to stand up long enough to make pasta; I’m afraid that may still be a long way off.  I miss the taste of fresh pasta, my OWN pasta, and it’s pretty easy to make.  But I have to stand for about 20-30 minutes while I mix it and send it through the pasta machine, and that’s twice as long as I’m able to stand right now.

The year before I was diagnosed I noticed that my stamina was disappearing.  I was too tired to do many things, and found myself sitting instead of walking or standing over and over.  I just felt lazy, as if I weren’t trying hard enough.  But of course now I realize that laziness had nothing to do with the cancer that was invading and growing in my body.

So I’m trying to treat my current inability to walk far, to stand for long, to do so many things as a temporary waiting period, and I’m trying to be very patient with myself.

Patience is the offspring of Waiting.

Yesterday I discovered an online community, based in the UK, Macmillan Cancer Support, for cancer patients and their caregivers.  I may have run into this site earlier, but it just didn’t register in my brain at the time.

Macmillan seems an amazing resource for folks who are seeking answers (and also seeking online companionship on what is often a very lonely path) and I’m glad i found it.  I’ve already had a lovely response about recovery times from CODOX-M from a fellow who was also on this drug regime, and I feel comforted.

Finding and using websites like this make the waiting a bit easier.