All I know is that I’m exhausted, in pain, and my balance is for shit — but less so than just a few short weeks ago!
For months I felt dizzy just sitting upright, which is the main reason I hadn’t been blogging. But now I’m feeling strong enough to commit to blogging about my Lymphoma recovery.
Favorite Grey Quilt[/caption]
It’s only taken me over six admissions to hit upon a recipe for a much more positive sleep experience; this time I brought my own pillow and quilt, and THIS has allowed me to have one of the better night’s sleep at St. John’s.
The thin cotton blankets they use here are SO puny, even stacking several of them up means a lot of fussing and rearranging. My good ol’ target quilt works beautifully and STAYS PUT for a nice night’s sleep.
And pillows? I need my pillow from home, and I have it now, and I’m happy. And I didn’t even make Kathleen drive 25 miles out of her way to go get it…
I have no idea, when this whole “cancer” thing is done, whether my body will be as it was before. I’m getting a growing sense that, like Gerry, I will ALWAYS carry the pain of the tumor in my back and the damage done by it’s growth into two vertebrae. Will I always be on pain meds to deal with the constant bone & spine pain? I guess these are things that will be revealed I I continue with my recovery. Which is a lovely word.
I’m overwhelmed right now, so I’m going to keep this brief. The dearest man I ever knew, my husband of 25 years, Gerry Landy, died on Sunday. It wasn’t entirely unexpected; he had been suffering from heart complications since March. Friday and Saturday he was at the Mayo Clinic for his heart, he was admitted…
In many states once you get outside of the city areas the highways have poetic names like “Highway M” or, “Highway Z” or, “Highway PP.” Every time Kathleen and I drive through Wisconsin we pass a sign that reads, “Hwy V” I have yet to be on top of my passenger duties enough to snap…
Having cancer, for me, means that I’m FRIGGIN’ STARVING almost all the time, but very few things sound good, and fewer things taste edible. Once I light on something that I can actually EAT, I spend days hoping that my tastes won’t change again. What I love on Monday can sometimes taste like doggy-do on Tuesday, and there’s no rhyme or reason to it. It’s not about spice, or temperature of food, or sugar content, or really anything.
One constant has been tea. I love a good cup of tea, and for better or for worse THAT is a delicious thing to cling to. I’m also good with bananas and peanut butter is generally a positive. There were a few days when the smell of it made me nauseas, but since then I’ve returned to the land of Smucker’s peanut butter, and in small amounts it’s good food.
I keep racking my brain for ANY food that is remotely appealing, but everything I try (even stuff that “sounds good”) ends up being a vehicle for nausea. Even my old stand by, ice cream. Oy.
So, I’m still here. A little shaky, a little pale, and apparently I’m right in the “eye” of the chemo, but I’ll get through it. Thank you for being here with me.
I’m too tired to blog, to weak to think straight, but I’m home. I’m exhausted, covered in adhesive from various body monitors, IV’s & ports. Every breath I take, even when I’m just sitting, feels ragged and shaky. I’m weak as a kitten, but nowhere near as adorable. I’m home, I’m up at 5, sitting…
After 5 days in the hospital, I’ll be getting sprung today! A visit somewhere away from home is always hard for me, even a vacation. I’m a Virgo, I love my home SO MUCH that when I’m forced to be away I feel oddly dislocated, not connected to my strength. My strength IS my home,…
I get sprung from here on Sunday. Today is my last chemo of this session, then depending on my labs I’ll be home for two or perhaps three weeks, getting my lab numbers back up (platelets, etc.) and perhaps a transfusion.
I am SO looking forward to being home, which I miss so much.
