Rest is Good for Weary Feet

That’s a line from a poem I like – To a Young Poet who Killed Himself by Joyce Kilmer. Yes, I’m pedestrian in my poetry tastes – I also like Robert Frost.

I had my test yesterday – it went just fine! Chris,the technician was very kind and gentle with the IV, I had dye shooting through my veins along with a bit of a sedative to relax me so I wouldn’t have an asthma attack (this on top of the steroids I’d taken the night before and a few hours before the test – I’m telling you, I haven’t breathed better in years!)

The scan itself was surprisingly fast – and the big round donut they shot me through was much nicer than the coffin like setup I went into for my last scan. Actually, that incident’s been on my mind and that’s why I was so nervous. My only previous experience with this sort of thing was when my gyn felt something odd during an exam, had me get at sonogram THAT DAY, then the same day they called and had me go back for a second sonogram and a cat scan the next day. The results were scary, it led to a radical hysterectomy – which probably saved my life but also made me foggy and incoherent for, well, going on 3 years… (Foggy and incoherent I’ll take, believe me!)

So even though this was such a routine type of test, I did find myself filled with more worry than I thought I’d have. My doctor, sensing this, was kind enough to call last night to tell me that the preliminary results of the scan were that everything is fine. Amen! So it probably IS just some infection that will not leave (although I’ll definitely mention the fungus thing to her, that’s WEIRD and probably something that doesn’t pop up a lot!)

When I got the call last night I was so relieved that I fell asleep a little before 7:00 and slept until 7:15 this morning. My breathing still kind of sucks – the reprieve of the steroids wore off last night and once again I’m stuffed, can’t smell anything and feel like I have a rock in my chest, but it’s a smaller rock!

In the middle of this mishigas (madness) I found myself feeling very insecure about my designing. That happens – when I’m feeling scared it seeps into so many other parts of my life. I hadn’t heard from an editor I like to work with for a few weeks, and then when we did have an exchange it was the “please shorten the sweater” episode

So in one of our (very nice) email exchanges I mentioned that I was far behind schedule and wanted very much to submit something for an upcoming book that she’s doing, but only had ideas so far – no swatches worked up. I sent her one of my ideas and got this reply: I wouldn’t do a book of any kind, much less a LACE book, without a project, or more, from you.

I cannot tell you what this comment meant to me. As I strike out on my own – my own books, hiring my own knitters, etc., I still feel the need for positive reinforcement from folks who have been my role models. When I get it, it means the world ( you all know what I mean) and it’s further proof that taking the time to write a kind word, a positive response, is so much more worth it than the easy route of taking a jibe, digging at a wound or tossing off a “light joke” that is really devastating in it’s cruelty. But wait – I digress…

So this morning, well rested and happy, I return to editing the wire book (illustrations need to be discussed with the art director) and finishing the knitting on the LAST TWO projects for the men who knit book. I also have to put together some wire kits for a class I’m teaching at Unwind (the wire votives from Handknit Holidays) and write up my notes for the Butter & Jam Cardigan class I’ll be teaching at TNNA.

A busy life is a good life – or as I saw on some women’s tote bag in the city last year, “I’m blessed to be stressed!”

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About Annie

I knit weird and I enjoy showing others how to find the joy and intuitiveness within their OWN knitting! We don't knit to make THINGS, we knit to make OURSELVES HAPPY!

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