Trip Guilt

I’m preparing for TNNA by shipping boxes of books out to San Diego, getting my kits together for the Votive class at Unwind and picking out suitable clothing for a warmer climate.

But I’m racked with guilt.

I generally don’t spend a lot of time on guilt – I think it’s pointless. I figure that if you feel guilty about something, fix it, or apologize, or do what you can to make the situation better. Feeling guilty is a waste of time if it doesn’t spur you to action.

Yet here I am, feeling terribly guilty about the room that I booked for my trip. It looks amazing. I am not worthy. THIS is the room I should have. Actually, this is the room I WILL have on Sunday, when the carriage becomes a pumpkin and I need a place to crash before I drive up to LA on Monday.

I find myself at odd times thinking, Just WHO the hell do I think I am? (or as my mother would say, “Who do I think. I am?”) My finger was hovering over the Holiday Inn button, but then the siren song of those luxurious marble bathroom counters, the three phones, the down comforter and balcony swept me away. And the room was pretty cheap, relatively. Okay, not cheap at all, but a mere $99 more than the Holiday Inn.

True, it’s actually, $99 more than the H.I. per night. I cannot BELIEVE that I did that. Did I DO that? I can’t believe I did that!

How about a little more rationalization with my guilt?

The room is only $30 a night more than the other folks I know who are going to TNNA are paying. $30 a night would buy a lot of yarn. I cannot believe that I did that.

I did go to Ikea and buy 10 small area rugs for $2.93 each. I’m sewing them together to make one BIG rug for the basment for $30. There, that takes some of the guilt off…

My New Computer
This might be a good time to mention the powerbook I just bought. WHY am I acting like I won the lottery? It’s a refurbish from the same company where my husband bought his laptop last year, expercom.com, it’s a very good deal and with the amount of traveling I’m doing this Spring it’s really very necessary. I went to the Apple store to check out the powerbooks and ibooks in person – and honestly I had my credit card out and was ready to buy the 12″ powerbook, but I couldn’t get anyone to wait on me. So I walked. To my car. Then drove home and went online.

But – even as I write this – I just received an order for books from knitpicks that pretty much covers the cost of the room (and part of the room is being covered by my class sponsors, I can’t make them pay the whole room fee, that would just be WRONG! I can’t believe I booked THAT ROOM!)

Okay, I’m not good at guilt, but I’m a champ at rationalization… My 4th grade teacher was right. I am a excuse maker.

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About Annie

I knit weird and I enjoy showing others how to find the joy and intuitiveness within their OWN knitting! We don't knit to make THINGS, we knit to make OURSELVES HAPPY!

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