I didn't make it work.

Me in line
The staff-shot (polaroid)
and my own shot of the headband. In the rain.

I’m sad, but feeling fine and realistic. A six-hour drive home is a great mind-clearer.

Tom went with me this morning, he waited outside for a bit until he had to leave for work (Tom, the loudish woman behind us told me that my “husband was a babe!” Woo.)

All went pretty well, we got rained on, no big deal. Once inside there was time to steam some of the pieces and get them together.

Interview one was with a 20-something guy who had NO interest in talking to me at all. The young, pretty girls in my group got lots of chat time. Me? He hardly waited to hear me finish my name.

I guess I should have figured the gig was up then.

The next interview was with a 20-something woman who leafed through my portfolio and said there wasn’t enough sewing. I explained that every sweater IS sewn, that the general rules of construction apply to all garments, and that the dress that I brought demonstrated that I was able to sew well. No soap. So I didn’t even get past the portfolio review.

I did notice that two pretty-and-hip-young-things in my group were able to forego the portfolio review (hmmm…) and a woman who was in front of me in line and had – well, I have to say it, dreadful, badly sewn costum-ish stuff with her – got through the portfolio review.

I think it was a combination of ME not being visually compelling (is that a nice way to say fat?) and the girl who reviewed my portfolio not understanding about sewing/construction/knitting (in other words, having a bias against knitting…) and, well, both things can be addressed, but not in one day.

Too bad.

12 hours of driving.

But I’m home, I can concentrate on some things that NEED concentrating on. Gerry has an MRI tomorrow, his bone density is rotton and he has high calcium levels in his blood so the doctor’s thinking some kind of thyroid thing. This is where I need to be. And it’s out of my system for this year.

In all honesty, this is probably the best outcome; I got to go through with the audition, I know what I need to change if I want to do it next year (add a few more sewn pieces, lose a few pounds…) and my heart wasn’t 100% in it.

I kept thinking, “This is NOT the time for me to do something like this…” But I figured that if the one-in-a-million chance happened and I was moved to the next level, I’d deal with that then!

I’m blown away by your comments, your great thoughts, kind wishes and all of the text messages I received today – thank you all SO much! If I didn’t answer you back, it’s because it’s hard to text and drive. This won’t be my year for PRW, but maybe next year…

Carry on!

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