Hive Me

Yesterday was a frustratingly busy, frightingly busy day. Busy. Just call me “Bea” Get it – busy bee, Bea…? Sheesh I’m lame on a Thursday. But I got done what needed to be done, for the most part.

Things I Accomplished

  1. Got Kids up and house running, laundry, dishes, the whole goya beanery
  2. Got to listen to Stephanie Miller. Yes, this is an accomplishment.
  3. Put together our new Gas Grill that we’d purchased months ago at Target (while listening to Stephanie Miller)
  4. Got Gerry to the gastro doc for his – ahem – procedure
  5. Bought a pretty plate at TJ Maxx for $5 (during the aforementioned procedure)
  6. Finally was able to redeem a credit I’ve had at Orbitz for a flight to Detroit (after almost TWO HOURS on the phone to some off-shore phone bank location)
  7. Got dining room chairs to go with the previously purchased table
  8. Bought an outdoor rug for our less-than-stellar back porch
  9. Bought a table for the deck (I’m going with a coffee-table, living room-esque theme)
  10. Got about 10 rows knitted

Things I did NOT Accomplish

  1. I didn’t design anything
  2. I didn’t get the disability application finished
  3. I didn’t get the license plates on Gerry’s car
  4. I didn’t get to the bank to deposit stuff.
  5. I didn’t get Hannah a pair of new shoes (she’s worn through the old ones – a growing girl!)
  6. I didn’t get a walk in (Atticus is mad at me)
  7. The – ahem – procedure didn’t work. Damn. And let me tell you, Gerry suffered through not one, but TWO preps. The nurse and I decided that until Gerry’s stronger, until the chemo gets going and he gets some strength back, it’s senseless to put him through this misery.

To Accomplish Today (or Tomorrow, or Next Week…)

  1. All the stuff I didn’t get done yesterday, plus…
  2. FIND my “shipping box” with my packing list enclosed labels (I need these!)
  3. Get the flip books delivered (they’re coming to day, all 1,300 pounds of them – yikes!)
  4. Get the flip books packaged and shipped.
  5. Get wire (the wire I ordered was sent to NJ – my fault entirely! – so I need to get some stopgap wire for the classes I’m teaching this weekend)
  6. Get my handouts printed (much easier now that Gerry’s connected our printer to the network so I can print from the living room – ehaw!)
  7. Get dining room table top sanded (& painted? Naaaah)
  8. Put together aforementioned dining room chairs & rocking chair

I’ll get done what I can. The rest will wait. Life is about prioritizing and dealing with the crappy days gracefully.

In a roundabout way we got the diagnosis – Gerry’s oncologist faxed a letter to us for his union (disability stuff) with the diagnosis written out. Yes, it is Multiple Myeloma, and the letter said he’d be out of commission for a year. Which sounds like amazing good news to me… We’ll wait until we see the doctor tomorrow to get the full scoop, but it was a very hopeful fax.

A year is a fathomable amount of time.

Confidence Crisis
I’m sure it’s the tiredness and the stress, but I’m feeling like a crappy designer. Much of the stuff I’ve seen of mine lately just looks – eh. Eh. It’s like when you’re feeling fat, and every time you see yourself in a mirror all you see is fat, fat, fat. You may look wonderful, but you can’t see it.

That’s how I’m feeling about my work these days. I’m anxious for this to pass, which I’m sure it will. Waiting out the stupid stuff.

I’ve had a frustrating few days of fighting on the phone for my rights (refunds that are due to me, fees that venues withheld) and it’s very tired-making. This is why I rely on email so much – I can go back and see EXACTLY what I’ve said, what’s been said to me, and what the collective expectations are. On the phone, folks tend to hear what they want to hear, and it’s rare that folks totally agree on what was said.

One of my big frustrations these days revolves around this, and it’s just bad timing. Right now I’m lacking the mental resources to deal with fighting for a sizeable chunk of change that’s due to me. This aspect of my job – the management – is the hardest for me. Convincing venu
es that it’s worth it to hire me to teach, chasing down fees (not usually a problem as it’s specified in my letter of agreement that the check will be waiting for me after the last class) But there it is – and it sucks. But it must be done.

I think this constant song-and-dance that yes, I am WORTH what you promised to pay me, is also eating away a bit at my confidence.

Big Thanks, Big Love
So it’s probably a good time to say that your comments, your kind emails, keep me sailing over the rough stuff. This is my main egomaniacal reason for blogging – connecting with folks who are positively disposed toward me. Thank you.

Along the same lines, for those of you who are curious:

  • We’ve gone through not one, but TWO of those ‘chew proof’ dog leashes. Atticus has them for breakfast. We moved onto a stiff leather one, gone in a few bites. I’m afraid to see what he’ll do to the chain. He never chews ANYTHING else, just the leashes.

  • Gerry has been taking ensure, but he’s not loving it. We keep it in the fridge and I try to get him to take some every day.

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