This is post 1,000. Who knew?

I’ve made a decision – and it was a rough one, but one that must be made for my sanity. I’ve been fretting the past two days over submissions, and this time I’m just going to forgo them. I need a bit of a break – I need to work on the stuff I have to do for ME (work related and family related) and I need to recharge my batteries.

If only I didn’t feel the amazing guilt.

And here I am wasting my 1000th post on guilt. How silly.

Gerry Update
The improvement since he’s been home from the colonoscopy is amazing. I’m sure a large part of it is the medication he’s on, it’s also clear how good he feels to be home. But most of all, I think he had this fear that there was something going on down there (both his mother AND father had colon cancer – as did my mom – not that that has any impact on Gerry’s health, but it puts the whole CC thing into our minds.)

So the positive news from the scope was a real relief – and I think it shows in Gerry’s general health. He’s more mobile than he’s been in MONTHS, he’s still walking with difficulty, but he INSISTS on going shopping (with a kid or me), running errands (he’s going to the library today – we LOVE the St. Paul library!) and he may even go with me to watch the kids taking their tennis lesson today.

I signed Maxie up for baseball – he starts on Monday – and I don’t know who’s more excited, Max or Gerry!

Another thing that’s greatly increased Gerry’s mobility is the handicapped tag we have now. Not walking those extra 200 feet make him much more willing to get out. And, once I brought home that borrowed walker, he seemed to want to prove that he does NOT need it, so I guess it worked (thanks, Martha!)

Things we’ve planted are starting to grow. Hydrangeas are taking root (those of you who’ve read my blog for a while know how much I love my hydrangeas) and I planted several rose bushes. I have some viney-things I want to put in by the fence – the ugly, ugly fence – with the hope they’ll help mask some of the ugliness.

We met with a contractor yesterday, he’s working up plans and with any luck we’ll be able to see them by the end of the week. I also signed up for Angie’s List (just a month, to try it out) and contacted three other contractors listed there so we can get some other bids. The rough, rough estimate was a lot more than we were expecting, but not out of line.

I’m interested to hear what others say. It’s an adventure – what can I say?

Odd Mental Stuff
I’ve been feeling at loose ends lately – kind of in a pissy mood – which is one of the reasons I’m backing off of submissions right now. Just feeling at odd ends – fighting off a cold for about a week – irascible.

We went to Ikea a few days ago to look at kitchens, we saw some stuff we liked, and then we had dinner. As we were getting our trays and silverware both kids demanding answers to questions, Gerry had questions, all of this while I’m trying to herd them into line and make sure they take 2 vegetables and 1 dessert.

When it came time for me to order, I was a total blank. What did I want? Who knows. I just took the next thing they slid up on the shelf (meatballs and a salad.)

It was a very minor thing, but it seemed indicative of how I’m feeling these days. I feel like the answer woman – and I have to make sure that I give myself the space that’s required to find the answers. I cannot, however, figure out the answer to how to get my blog back onto bloglines! Arrgh!

Summer Schedule
Tomorrow we go to the oncologist again for another monthly round of Zometa. I’m hoping we’ll be able to get some kind of a time frame for this summer on when the chemo will start and what the stem cell forecast is. I’d love to be able to send the kids back to NJ for a week (or two?) to stay with friends. Several parents have asked – our kids are missed! – and it would also be good to have them away when Gerry starts the high dose chemo.

I know chemo’s not as bad as it used to be, but calming kids’ fears while Gerry’s trying to figure out how he’ll deal with this new phase may be difficult juggling act. I’ve scheduled myself for a few classes over the summer – much less teaching than my winter gigs – and I think I have most of my classes up-to-date on my appearances calendar. Check it out and see if I’ll be near you!

The Bucks
Our grand plan was for Gerry to dive headlong into providing home support for the knit business while I traveled, taught and designed the Spring and Summer away. Well, obviously there was a little hitch in that plan and most of my time’s been spent playing catch up with not a lot of time for long-term planning.

When you lose your job, you feel the paycheck ending immediately. When you’re a freelancer and you slow your output, it sometimes takes a few months for the bank account to catch up.

It’s one of the oddnesses of freelancing – often when you’re working your butt off the bank account is empty, and when you have a dry spell the checks start coming in. We knew that moving out here would be a gamble – losing Gerry’s income when he quit his job – but we also figured that my increased productivity would make up for it.

So much for the increased productivity! (I’m productive enough – we’re okay – but I haven’t been able to restock the mental design pantry as full I’d like it to be.) Let’s just say that I’ve never been happier that we’re a naturally frugal family!

Doing this bathroom addition is a hard thing to swallow, but we budgeted for it when we bought the house, we really need it now, and I know in my heart of hearts that it will dramatically increase our home’s value. It’s still hard.

So I’m feeling relieved that Gerry’s finally agreed to go check into SS disability benefits. He has an appointment to see them the day I leave for Columbus for TNNA (I wish I could be there – but it was the only date available, probably because it’s right before a holiday weekend) He’s spending a lot of his time getting everything together and surfing the web for information on what exactly will be required of him at the interview. For some reason we’re not able to do this online, as they suggest, so it will be the interview!

He was happy to see that Multiple Myeloma was specifically mentioned as a bona fide reason for disability – yay. Who knew a year ago – 4 months ago – that this would be a source of happiness?

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