Okay… So I'll Ask –


We just got the word that the Mayo Clinic can see us tomorrow. As in Wednesday. We’re squaring away babysitting for the kids tomorrow, hopefully we can make that come together.

Worse comes to worse, we can take them with us (but I have a feeling this will be another on of “The Talks” and it’s best that Dad & Mom have the car ride home to collect themselves before seeing the kids again…)

The, perhaps, more testing on Thurs & Fri (& Sat?) to determine if/when the stem cell transplant should happen (2-3 months is the estimate) In case of more testing we’ll probably get a hotel room for Gerry so I can return home and be with the kids those nights. If only I could split in two.

The general consensus from your incredibly kind emails and posts is that I should ask for help when I need it.

PJ said it best in her comment on my last post:

…make a list of all the things that need doing that are getting in the way right now – meal planning, grocery shopping, car pooling, you know – all the crap. Then enlist friends, community, knitters at the LYS, support groups of any kind and ask them for help.

I have learned the hard way that the asking for help is the hardest thing to do, but that people are so thankful to be asked, given a task, made to feel helpful in what turns out to be a small way for them and a huge relief for you.

It works best if there is one person to coordinate all the helpers and then all you have to do is ask that one time.

As you know, we’re new here in the Twin Cities. Folks are great – everyone here has been very kind – but I know you know what I mean when I say there’s a certain familiarity one feels they should have before asking for a ride somewhere, or if someone knows of a babysitter (or might babysit themselves…) or could drop off dinner while I’m out of town teaching. Asking is so hard.

The social worker at the University of MN gave us information about a website, lots a helping hands, which coordinates helpers, and after a few false starts I’ve actually been able to log on and establish a website.

The idea is that as the caretaker for a person with cancer, I’m allowed to establish a private web page where I can post things that our family needs done (rides, meals, babysitting).

We will slowly start developing a group of volunteers who live near us and want to help out in some way. I think it will make coordinating the help that we’ll need MUCH easier – and makes asking less uncomfortable.

I’m hoping that it will be a tremendous resource. I don’t have a lot of folks to add right now – I have a buttload of friends in cyber space, but not a lot of flesh-and-blood friends in the area. I’m thinking before I actually add someone to my volunteer list I should at least meet them in person (make sure there are no axe murderers lurking – yeah, right…)

If this sort of thing interests you, and you live near-by-ish, drop me a line and perhaps we can get together at a knitting meetup or stitch and bitch. I actually haven’t been to any in town since we’ve moved here, and I’d LOVE to go to one or eight, so let me know where you meet and I’ll try to come by and say “Hi!” Perhaps that will allow us to develop an in-person friendship and I can add you to the list of volunteers.

Those of you who don’t live nearby – your support and friendship is so needed and so appreciated. It’s hard for me to express how grateful I am, knowing I can come to my blog and write about a crappy day, and get a few very nice responses that make me feel less alone.

You have no idea how many times I’ve edited and re-written this post. Such a flagrant appeal for help is rough to do. As much as you guys think good thoughts for me, I think the same thoughts for all of you.

My great hope for you is that you don’t find yourselves in this position. Or, if you do, that you have the kind of on-line support system that you’re all providing to me.

Thank you!

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