Bizarro Day

I’m blue.

Everything just feels slightly off kilter today. Wha’dup?

I arrived in Pittsburgh today after what felt like a VERY long flight – one of those time/space relativity things, evidently, the flight was no longer than normal, but it felt like it was 7 hours.

Einstein used to take this MSP to Pittsburgh flight.

But I was SO cramped in my seat, my knees digging into the seat of the guy in front of me (who reclined… c’mon dude – it’s DAYLIGHT, you can’t be that tired!)

I got almost the entire brim of a hat I’m working up in Schaefer Susan (cotton) and I’m liking it, but I didn’t bring the millinery wire I’d set out to pack.

The rental car went smoothly (I have an HHR this time – my first time in one of those), my luggage was waiting for me, and after one false start I found the hotel (I’d forgotten what it’s like to drive in the hollows of Appalachia – I’m glad it’s not snowing!)

After check in I settled in for a shower, and was pretty surprised when an odd woman popped into my room. “Helloooooo?”

When I called out, she apologized and left, but I didn’t see her so I don’t know if she was a confused guest or housekeeping. There was a broken glass in the bathroom – I’m thinking maybe she was coming in to get it?

Payschmoadz* Frustration
Then I opened my email and started an infuriating session with my pdf pattern delivery service (I don’t think I’ve ever received such sarcastic and nasty customers service from any company. From the emails I’ve received, it feels like it might be run by a bunch of frat boys.)

They’ve been overcharging me, it’s functionally impossible to downgrade to a lesser service level, and I’m getting a lot of emails from folks who’ve tried to download patterns and are having a very hard time.

One very sarcastic email prompted me to write back that I felt like posting the whole darned correspondence on my blog. I got this reply,

“I wouldn’t post any of our communication if I were you. Read our terms of service.”


“This is a nice little website you’ve got here, it would be a shame if something happened to it…”

Oooh, I’m shaking…


*update: I received an unsigned email from the customer service stating: “This post must have all references to P——z removed immediately. Not only is it defamatory, it is libelous and has material inaccuracies.” So they’re removed.

Show Horse or Work Horse?
This is one of those rare trips where – before I have even walked into a class – I’m feeling like a disappointment to the folks who’ve hired me.

Perhaps it’s a commentary on the fear everyone’s feeling about the economy, or perhaps I’m a dud, but my classes did NOT sell out this time (so far) and it’s making me feel very apologetic. I guess there’s still a chance for folks to fill up the classes tomorrow.

When I saw the broken tumbler in the bathroom I thought, “I feel like that glass…” Fragile and transparent.

(or, if you’re going to whine, you may as well do it up red!)

Is it because I’m traveling again?
I like to travel – really! I like visiting venues, teaching folks, interacting with knitters. I get energy from it – inspiration – and I enjoy the time alone while I’m settling into a new hotel or waiting at an airport (excellent people watching…)

Is it because it’s February?

I’ve heard this is the hardest time of the year for a lot of folks, and I’m definitely living in a place that has less sunlight than I’m used to.

Is it too much work?

The basement, after moving a wall because we had to add a drain, is a MESS and there’s DUST all over the place. Don’t worry, I’m wearing a mask… But the mop-up is excruciating.

Is it too little work?

No designs currently in any mags, no current books – everything I’m doing right now is entirely independent. I’m a wildcatter hand knit designer.

Is it Gerry’s health?

It’s true he’s in a LOT of pain – and that affects all of us. But his movement is pretty good. Physical therapy is going well and we’re sort of in a holding pattern. A to-have and to-holding pattern, evidently.

Is it my cousin’s health?

I’m visiting her in Parkersburg after I finish teaching here in Pittsburgh.
The recurrence seems to be more serious than we’d hoped.

I wrote in late December:
But the best gift by far? This line from an email from my cousin in WV whose breast cancer had recurred. I shoved it so far out of my mind, I didn’t write about it (although I couldn’t help but dwell on it…) Here’s what she wrote in an email this week:

The best news is that my surgeon said the lymph node and where it had metastacised was encapsulated so he got it ALL in one swoop!!!! And I only have to have a few radiation treatments to clean up what might be left.

She called to tell me she’d be here to boss me around for as long as I can stand her. She’s more like a big sister than
a cousin, so I can definitely stand it.

Once again, I’m residing in one of those ‘in between places’ that are so hard to inhabit. When I finish teaching here on Sunday I’ll drive down and spend a few days with her – we’ll do lunch, radiation, a girls day out. Stupid old cancer.

I’m happy she’s here, happy I’m here, I’m happy we’re ALL here (damnit!)

But I’m fearing the future, terrified of the empty spaces (all those holes that have cropped up around me in the past few years. Something I said? My breath?), and I’m not sure about my ability to handle the bridge between where I am and where I need to travel.

Geeze Louise, who died and left me in charge of being in charge.

Wait, that’s not funny.

Is it my weight?

I wish I were thin and I wish I were short(er).

But I’m not.

I am walking a lot, eating okay, doing better than I have at some times in my life – not as well as I’d like – but not badly enough to beat myself up over. And I won’t beat myself over the fact that I end sentences with prepositions, either.

And I’ll never get my legs to fit into the space they give you on a plane.

But I just saw on TV that Queen Latifah’s doing Jenny Craig
(oh, get your minds out of the collective gutter!)

I promise tomorrow I’ll be cheerier. I really need to see some students, dang it.

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