On the Roads Again

So we’re heading off this morning, back to St. Paul. We stayed here in Marietta an extra day because I just wanted to be with Jan.

It’s been frustrating in that I haven’t been able to speak with any of her doctors, Gerry and I were discussing what a different atmosphere this medical center is compared to the ones we’ve been dealing with in MN and NJ. It’s almost as if the families here are so USED to deferring to the doctors that the doctors have been able to ignore the memo that they’re not gods.

And, as any fan of Greek Mythology knows, when you get more than one god together, they tend to get into spats and disagreements. So Jan gets one comment from one doc, a different from another, and – as she is one of the smartest, most medically educated folks I know – even she is left dazed and confused.

And I hate to leave her. And the small extended family that is here hates for me to leave her, and that makes me feel more guilty than I’ve felt in a long time.

But there’s nothing for it but to do what has to be done, and in this case – because we stayed an extra day – it means tag-team driving for 14 hours back to St. Paul.

I’ve left the actual packing of the car – the few things we brought into the hotel – to Han, Max and Gerry. Bless them. Traveling with a family is a LOT different than alone. More fun, definitely, but more work. It will be good to be home, I have buttloads of work I need to get done.

Yesterday I felt so tired – heaven knows why because I was sitting almost the whole day! – but I’m sure it was stress. Jan was transported to the hospital for her chemo, which took many hours more than it was supposed to (dang!) and then back to the nursing home where the strong emotions got the best of a close family friend and my only recourse was to just walk away. Maybe being overextended, exhausted and my mind being a bit of a blank makes me behave as an adult?

At any rate, a walk, a cool-down, and then a very nice dinner at the River City cafe right on the Ohio (and two Blue Moons) made life much more faceable. And as tired as I was, it was NOTHING compared to Jan’s continued nausea, pain and exhaustion. This sucks.

The nursing home is quite lovely, though. Getting the social worker to fight for Jan to have internet access is a losing battle (“We don’t allow the patients to use the internet. Period.” said one nurse who overheard my conversation with the social worker)

Jan is too tired to care much about it, but I’m of the belief that if she HAD the internet, she could write to her friends around the world, look for stuff online, and feel more – connected – than she currently does. But I could be nuts

‘ll keep on fighting for it while I’m in St. Paul, though…

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