I’ve been doing the Yoga for 2 weeks now. It’s not easy, parts of it are very hard, but the sum of the experience is SO positive that it draws me to the studio most mornings for the 8am C1 class.
I do feel less lower back pain, the shoulders ache but that comes and goes. It’s all such an experiment! I’m a member of Core now, and although I feel it may not be the perfect practice for me, it’s very good right now (and as I grow I can perhaps find a practice that will suit me perfectly. Or not.)
I went for a longish bike ride this weekend and stopped at the Hill House on Summit. I often ride by and park my bike on the side porch, sitting just below on a stone pedestal while thinking and knitting. It’s a peaceful place, very beautiful, a nice stopping point on a bike ride.
While pondering on my perch I thought of how much we are like telephone lines, going slack in the heat of summer – relaxed – and tightening up in the cold winters.
The past 6 months has been a process of learning to relax, not to judge myself against others, letting all the strings of my bow un-tighten.
I am definitely not on knife edge, not on my A-game. I’m slow moving, contemplative, watchful. Not something I can remember being for an extended time before.
For most of my 48 years, my identity has been wrapped up in GETTING THINGS DONE, and getting them done NOW. But now I’m stretching, relaxed, not taut.
I can’t decide if I’m happy with this change, or scared by it, but I’m trying to embrace it. I just cannot – at this point – be the mover and shaker I had been.
Unfortunately, as I was moving some stuff today I dropped poor Wonder Woman and she split. I felt a kinship with her as she broke in half.
I am not Wonder Woman. I’m not sure I ever was. But I did feel pretty wonder-full for a continuing period of time. Designing, teaching, coping – I was doing a lot, and the fibro is probably the price I’m paying for it.
I need to get back to that place, but without the extra angst. Is that possible?
It’s time to tighten up my game a bit, this being relaxed can begin to feel a little TOO natural. The trick is in the balance point between too tight and too lose, which I’m hoping I will find in my yoga practice. I want to be loose enough to be considerate in my choices, tight enough to get my work done.
My computer’s been acting badly – not the computer so much as the new hard drive Gerry put in back in March. It’s been great, I’ve had SO much more room, but now it seems to have gone wacky.
I use carbonite to back up, and I also have a hard drive I use to store all my movie making files (they’re HUGE) so all I’ve really lost are things from certain libraries that did NOT restore very well (riddle me that, Mr. Carbonite…)
My mail and photo libraries for March – July seem to be missing.
Luckily, I’d been in a frenzy of flicker uploading or I would have lost all the Ireland photos. I have all my emails on my server (with the exception of the past 3 weeks, another mystery) so my mail loss is not as bad as it might have been.
This means, though, that every email I’ve received from March through early July have re-downloaded into my mail so there’s a week’s task just sorting them and filing the important ones. Double damn.
My horoscope today says I should hunker down and wait for my emotions to clarify (like butter?) so that’s what I shall do.
The next sound you hear will be that of me hunkering.