Judgement Induced Paralysis

I haven’t been writing on my blog for a long time, for various reasons, but one of the strongest is fear of judgement.

Tired & Judgy

Tired & Judgy

I’m speaking in part about judgement by other folks (always a bit of a fear for anyone, but something we all deal with in our own ways) and in larger party judgement by myself. I am the author of that nagging voice in my head which has been relentless in it’s scrutiny of my life.

The shingles pain continues (yes, it’s baa-aack) and in August my doctor prescribed Lyrica. The drug did amazing things for the pain, but affected me in very strong, negative ways, so I had to go off of it (slowly, with a doctor’s help)

Memory is also an issue. Did I forget to mention this?

Memory is also an issue. Did I forget to mention this?

Mentally, I’m much clearer, but the pain has really cranked up a notch (or two) which is probably a mixture of the cold, the fact I’m not cycling as much as I was (although I AM cycling at the local rec center!) and my body hating me for taking away that wonderful pain drug.

Pain steals energy, and I have so little to throw around. Any energy I’ve had lately has gone entirely into yarn dyeing / biz stuff, editing my Bolero book (out in Summer, 2015!) and Thanksgiving prep & recovery.

But now I have a sweet spot of a few weeks before the next holiday, so I’m anticipating blogging a lot more. And I’m trying to reason with that Voice Of Judgement in my brain, trying to tell it to back off (but not ignoring it completely, there’s a good bit of truth there, too!)


I have three terrific books to review, with giveaways for each of them! Stay tuned, I’ll be doing the first review starting this Friday for a wonderful new book by Lara Neel. Books by Kate Atherley and Wendy Johnson are also on deck (did I mention giveaways?)  Stay tuned!

And thanks for hanging in there with me. I hate to think of my blog as a ‘low priority’, I enjoy writing it (and hear from you) so much!

I’ve learned with an exhaustion issue like Fibromyalgia, I need to use discretion when delegating energy. And not beat myself up too much.

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6 thoughts on “Judgement Induced Paralysis

  1. Bonney

    To hell with judgers!! What would you say to Hannah? Cut yourself a break! Be kind and caring with yourself as you would be to your kids. Hang in there!!

  2. Joanne Seiff

    Hi Annie! You know, sometimes you have to remind yourself that most people have no clue. They aren’t in your body, they don’t know what you’re going through, and yet…they feel the need to comment anyway. We’ve really had our share of this when it comes to having twins. Time was, I was super sensitive to judgement. Now (maybe because it is because I am so sleep deprived?) I am sometimes better at saying “They have no clue” when I am feeling nice. When I am not feeling nice, I think/say worse things. I’ve also learned to walk away (even while people are talking to me!) when I feel like I just can’t hear it. If I am just too tired, or we’re too sick, or –well, because we don’t feel like self-flagellation that day. My guess is that the people who know us recognize that we are trying very hard, working hard, and doing the best we can. It is not always obvious from the outside, that’s all.

    Plus, these days when clueless people comment to me and it feels judgemental or hurtful, I think of leaving them alone in a room with my two (VERY ACTIVE and occasionally combative!) preschoolers and seeing how long they last. It makes me smile, and usually keeps me from killing them. If I don’t get that far, I imagine how they would manage to make dinner, clean up, do laundry, and work at all while coping with two three year olds. That usually helps me feel better, too. 🙂

    Just do your best…and know that lots of folks are rooting for you.

  3. Amy C

    When my mom was starting cancer treatments, she sometimes fretted at what she saw as the wasted time we spent in one doctor’s office after another, mostly waiting to be seen. I asked her to look at her appointments as her job – that day’s job was to get to and get through those appointments. If we could do that, then we’d had a successful day. It helped – sometimes.
    Your job is to cope with what sounds very difficult to bear – to find a way to outwit the pain long enough to take care of some of the things you think you ‘ought’ or ‘have’ to do. Nobody else is in your mind or in your skin. Only you can know what effort it takes not only to accomplish what you have, but to beat back the voices in there that tell you it’s not enough.
    I love Joanne’s idea of imagining her clueless critics being in her shoes! My mom used to sing to my little sister (a particularly strong-willed infant) that she hoped she’d grow up to have children just like her. 🙂 (she did)

  4. Mary Kay

    Annie – you do so much good in the fiber world. And when you throw in fibro and shingles, it is amazing how you have kept one foot in front of the other and continued to move forward. You can take comfort in looking back and seeing your yarn company and book venture successes. Sometimes we listen to that self criticizing ego and feel not good enough. I am so excited that you will be at the Madison Knit-In. If you have any need of help there, I am willing. Hope you feel well, pain-free and happy more days than not.

  5. ccr in MA

    Please don’t beat yourself up. If only we could all focus on helping each other more and judging less … but hang in there, you’re so strong, even if it doesn’t feel that way some days.

  6. Debra

    I was wondering how you are coping with shingles.
    I hope your reluctance to blog isn’t because of that nutso commenter from years ago who said the US has the best health care in the world when you had none, needed some and had no meds? No one who checks here regularly is going to judge you. Admire you- yes, judgment – no.

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