I’m 6 miles from Gerry right now, and I feel 1,000 miles away. If I could cycle, I’d be home in 31 minutes via the Bruce Vento trail.
Oh, that I could ride my bike again, today.
He visited two days ago, but when he got to my room he was overwhelmed with exhaustion from the walk from the car.
I’m so concerned about his heart condition, he just seems to be dragging, low on energy and hope, and also missing me being at home. He’s not well, Jasper’s not well (missing me, or something more?) and Andy is left home alone as the care-giver in charge.
…and here I sit, bald and pumped up on chemo drugs, not able to keep down food (except for ice pops and the errant ice cream, which generally ends up being a mistake) and not able to BE THERE for Gerry. Who needs me mentally almost more than he needs me physically.
Why is it so hard for some folks – for men? – to admit that they need help? Our yard needs mowing, I know that Gerry gets wiped out SO easily. Last week I utilized Next Door to find someone to mow it, but as soon as I did Gerry insisted that no, HE could CERTAINLY mow the yard. And so he started mowing.
And he got totally wiped. WIPED.
So Andy picked up the slack. And I jumped in and did the front yard (which, in retrospect, may NOT have been the best idea I ever had…) and together we got the yard done.
Just like a frontier family. With a heart condition and two forms of cancer.
I hate to think what he’s attempting to do when I’m NOT at home. Re-shingle the roof? Find a barn to raise?
I get sprung from here on Sunday. Today is my last chemo of this session, then depending on my labs I’ll be home for two or perhaps three weeks, getting my lab numbers back up (platelets, etc.) and perhaps a transfusion.
I am SO looking forward to being home, which I miss so much.
Which is probably just another way of saying how much I miss Gerry.
Gerry, for pity’s sake, PLEASE take care of yourself when I’m away!