Things Change SO Quickly

I’ve been pretty vocal during my recovery from cancer/chemo about different instances that arise and thwart me, or spur me on, toward a full recovery.

Recently I’ve had a nice amount of positive steps forward, but I always hold in the back of my mind that recovery isn’t a straight line, but there are a lot of peaks and valleys in my [generally] upward journey.  That’s why I blog and facebook about this so much, so I, myself, can go back and read my posts and SEE how far I’ve come.  Sometimes being able to quantify a positive change is so hard, having a record of the changes is helpful in keeping a positive outlook!

Today is a low day.

I live in Minnesota, so I’m ready for a blizzard on any given day*, and it’s not a surprise to wake up after a few days of upper 60’s temperatures to a day that’s wet and cold and blustery.  Today it feels like the cold’s crept right into my bones (especially my knees and back) and is laughing at me.  Ha, ha, cold, I hear you, and I laugh back!

Facsimile of the Chocolate Cake

I had big plans to make a chocolate cake today.

It doesn’t sound like a huge deal, but it is.  Getting downstairs isn’t the marathon it was just a month ago, but it’s an effort.  STANDING is harder than anything, and baking is more about standing than anything else.  Silly things like lifting up the mixer to move it over by the electrical outlet, carrying eggs, sifting flour, etc., are very difficult when the back is so painful.

So once I got downstairs, ready to make the cake (whose recipe I’ve long memorized!) I found that I could barely stand.  There were also several ‘gifties’ from the pup to be cleaned up, and THAT had a painful effect on my back, too!

So no cake for me.  Or for the family.  I was really looking forward to it (it’s the chocolate bundt cake I make, this time I was going to add white chocolate chips and some walnuts) and I’m probably healthier and happier NOT making and eating it.  But I wanted to make it.

More than making the cake, I wanted to have another day with low pain.  But that’s not going to be the case today, so I need to find a way to be at peace with that, deal with the pain, do what I’m able to do and not feel bad that I can’t do more.

Today my expectations outpace my limitations.  But tomorrow may be a cake day!  Stay tuned!

In other news, Max and his girlfriend Sophie have finished their semester in Vienna and are visiting London before they come home.  Right now they’ve traveled up to Scotland and are staying with our friends, Di & Colm, for a few days.  I can’t explain how wonderful and amazing it is to have friends who are SO kind as to host the kids for a few days, and show them so much of the beauty of Scotland in just a few days.  THANK YOU DI & COLM!

*Not really, it doesn’t generally snow in May here…

9 thoughts on “Things Change SO Quickly

  1. I wonder if your pain is attuned to the weather like mine is. The storms rolling through have been really painful today.

    You are making amazing progress, it’s true, and bad days just suck so badly. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

  2. Great sympathies and gentle warm hugs. From the “been there, still there” department, find a bar stool you like to sit on, then have Amazing Andy put casters on it. Then, you can sit at counter height while whipping up confections, or use IT to move the mixer over. Maybe have someone just reposition the mixer permanently over near the plug?

    As for the pain, I hear you. Laying odds that it is weather related. We are having heavy fog, 33, predictions of flurries. I can barely walk. So grab your heating pad, a pencil and graph paper, or however you design, and create a summer confection. If you got a TENS unit, use it.

    You got dressed, got downstairs, cleaned up the pup ‘presents’….that’s a lot!

    Love and hugs

  3. There is nothing that says baking has to be done standing up. I find I am sitting for more tasks these days.

  4. That is just what my mom’s genius PT did: have her write down what she did each day, and then on low days look back, but always back at least a week. (sorry about the cake! but you really did get a lot done, thanks in particular to pup)

  5. Bad days and good days are a given. You got to Mendard’s this week for a yard umbrella though didn’t you? The weather plays havoc with my knees and back and I haven’t undergone chemo (thank goddess!) so I count it as part of getting older. I second the idea of a rolling kitchen stool and maybe rearranging some of the appliances so you can use them more easily.

    You’re fantastic and recovering well. Don’t let the occasional bad day get you down.

  6. I’m so sorry that your back is giving you such troubles. I love to bake and I can sympathize with you on the small victory of making a delicious, long-loved item! If making the whole recipe is still just out of reach for a while, can I suggest a crazy idea? Try the microwave cake from Jenna’s bigger bolder baking on YouTube. She’s got a couple, but I think any general basic cake variety should work. I made one with an upgraded box mix and it totally worked perfectly! A few minutes in the microwave and a whole, regular-sized cake is done.

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